Young Royals: After season 1

Chapter seventeen: Wilhelm

We had a break from school coming up and everyone was supposed to go home. I did not want to go home. I wanted to be with Simon. I had to go home, though. I had duties my classmates did not have. As the new crown prince I had to prepare to take over the crown one day and that included attending boring meetings when I was not in school. I wished Erik would come back and that he would be crown prince again. As it was supposed to be. He was the big brother, a good influence. I could never be what Erik was. There was no way I could take his place. I was the little brother. The irresponsible one. The one who seemed to get himself in trouble all the time. I could not even fall in love without causing a scandal. Erik had been perfect. The perfect son, big brother. The perfect crown prince. I was flawed. There was nothing perfect about me, but I did not aspire to be perfect either. I wanted to be real. I wanted to be myself. But I longed for that perfect brother. That perfect big brother who would never come back. I missed him so much it hurt on the inside.

"What are you thinking about, Wille?" Simon asked me. He laid beside me. I was going home tomorrow and I wanted to be with him the rest of the time we had together. I could not go without him for too long, so I had to negotiate with my mother. I was going to see him next Wednesday again, but it was just Friday now.

"Nothing"I lied. He saw right through me. He knew I was in deep thought.

"Now tell me the truth, babe. I see it is not nothing." he replied. "I see that you are hurting." And I was. Going home just made me go back in time. To that horrible day when mom called me to tell me that Erik had passed away. To the horrible weeks after when my parents tried to act normal, even when nothing was normal anymore. I knew they too were hurting, but that was nothing we ever talked about. We all just suffered in silence. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"I don't want to go home, Simon. I want to stay here with you. Going home reminds me of him and it kills me from the inside. Their silence kills me. They have not talked about Erik other than to try to pressure me since he passed." I said. I was crying now. Simon wiped my tears with his hands. He knew who I was talking about.

"I wish I could kidnap you and keep you in my room the entire break, Wille. I hope you know that." he replied. "If you need to talk about it I am listening. I did not know your brother, but if it can ease any of your pain I am here for you." His fingers traced my face, searching for more tears to wipe.

"I don't even know where to start," I said.

"What is your favorite memory you had with him?" Simon asked me. "Tell me the happiest memory you have." When he asked me I got pictures of the event in my mind. I smiled at the thought.

"The day Erik got his driver's licence he picked me up from school and we went to the sea. It was early summer. We had ice cream and just spent the afternoon in nature. We sang in the car on the way back home. We had so much fun that day" I said. Simon smiled at me. It was such a mundane thing to do. Not the kind of thing you would expect to be the best memory for two young princes. I remember how proud he had been and how happy and free he felt. He was still at Hillerska back then.

"Did he know about me? What do you think he would think of me and us?" Simon asked me.

"He knew I had met someone. We spoke on the phone before parent lunch and I was talking about staying here over the weekend to study. He did not believe me one bit. I had not told him it was you though." I said. He had teased me so badly about Simon on that phone call. He got some revenge for all the times I had teased him about girls he saw. "I think he would have liked you. You have a good influence on me. You make me study and do things I should, like showering and brushing my teeth. He saw how happy I was on that phone call and that would be enough for him to like you. But you are just generally amazing so I am sure he would have liked and accepted you as my boyfriend, " I said. When talking about showering and brushing my teeth he giggled a bit.

"What was his favorite song?" Simon asked. He had explained that music said a lot about people. He was a singer, so music was clearly a big part of his life. Didn't he know? He had sung it himself.

"Remember by Seinabo Sey" I said. His eyes widened and his mouth was open. He realized what the choir had done the day I returned to Hillerska.

"I did not know that.I did not choose the song. I hope it did not upset you" he replied. I nodded.

"It was one of the most beautiful tributes to my brother that I could have asked for. But I must admit you made it really hard for me not to cry" I said.

"No one would have judged you if you had cried baby. You had just lost your brother." Simon replied. "I don't judge you now either." he continued.

"You know I hate crying in front of people." I said. He nodded. He knew that.

"I know you do. But crying does not make you weak, Wilhelm. It makes you strong. Your feelings are valid and it is okay to express them." he replied. He planted a kiss on my cheek and forehead. I still cried, so my skin probably tasted salty.

"How did you become so mature, Simon?" I asked him. "You are the oldest sixteen year old I have ever met, I think."

"I had to be. I had to grow up fast. I had to protect my mom and Sara from our father." he answered. What had his father done?

"Protect them from what?" I asked.

"My father is an alcoholic and drug addict, Wilhelm. Sometimes when he was drunk he became aggressive. He never hit any of us, but he scared the shit out of us. He would scream loudly and argue with my mother. Other times we would come home and I would think he was dead. That he had overdosed or suffocated on his own puke." he said. He had never told me this. "I am happy now though. I have my mom, Sara and you. You are my family. I don't need him to be happy. I am way happier with him out of my life. It took Sara longer to recover and sometimes I think she has not moved on from it really." he continued.

"Is that why you don't drink alcohol?" I asked. He nodded.

"I can't stand the smell really. It brings me back to our old lives. I am afraid to become like him as well I think, so I have promised myself to never drink. If I never begin I never have to stopp. And my father can't stop. He just relapses over and over again."