Her Selfless Love( Complete)

The Decision

                  Aaron's pov

The thudding in my brain was no way calming down. That heaviness in my chest clawing at me.

Asking me to let it out.

To break, to ruin , to destroy.

It's been only worsening these past few days. I don't know what's happening to me. I get triggered at small things, I am almost always agitated.

Hell I even feel angry seeing someone smile.

I am that fuc*ed up!

It never was this bad before. What's happening to me?

Am I ever going to be okay?

Or is it only going to get worse from here?

I went to the doctor. To only have him increase my dose. He says an incident may have triggered it to worsen.

And I know somehow.

My condition worsened because I came in contact with the very reason of why this all started.

That I started living with her.

Smiling and enjoying with her.

Taking care and loving her.

My Ezra.

That I started getting accustomed to something I couldn't afford.

Her love. Which I never deserved.

I wanted to laugh at the timing though. It's like heavens are mocking at me.

When I thought everything was going to be alright? That I also deserved love.

That I can finally tell the stupid girl that I was having feelings for her.

Did I lost all thehope.

I am literally a trigger bomb now. I can't work in office without firing people. Dad is dissapointed  in me. I can't concentrate on work.

My head aches almost all the time. I want to punch, I want to hit at things, I want to hurt my own self.

Can I also hurt the ones I care?

Will I hurt Ezra?

And that thought alone. Has made me shut myself from her. I sneak in to her room to stare at her sleeping form. I sip from the coffee mug she leaves on the counter. I stare at her almost all day in the cctv.

But I don't come in front of her

Afraid to see fear in her innocent eyes.

Afraid too loose even the right to stare at her from the shadows like this.

And it was going well.

Untill today.

When she was waiting outside my door for answers. Yet what I gave her were nothing but disasters.

I tried to walk past. To warn her, to avoid her.

But her words? The way she is so adamant and catches my lies so easily.

Declaring so bravely her love for me, without knowing my worst side.

Made me see red.

It brought out the worst in me.

I seriously don't know what happened next, what all I said just to hurt her. To make her hate me. My anger was clouding my rationality.

Words no longer my own.

My actions out of control

The throbbing in my head was like a burning ache. Which needed to be quenched. I felt like hitting my head on a wall , frustrated of the pains.