My Sanity | Tokyo Revengers [Sano Manjiro x OC]

Interlude III

Dear Manjiro,

If you read this, it means that I am no longer here. And I'm sorry. I know I promised you I would never leave your side, and I swear I tried my best not to. But time was not on my side.

You know, I've been thinking a lot lately. I felt so many contradicting thoughts. And ultimately, that is why I wrote this letter to you. I want you to know.

20th of March, 2001. It was the first time I met you. Since then, we have never left each other's side. I remember it as if it was yesterday. We were always together, messing around and playing in the park. Although I couldn't do much, you always made sure I was having fun. Yet, I still felt as if I was burdening you. You were so bright and energetic, and I was limited and weak. I couldn't play outside too long or play a lot of games. I felt like I was bothering you or pulling you down. But you told me: "What are you talking about? If you can't have fun like other kids then I will have fun for both of us". It marked me till this day. I remember thinking: "Manjiro is so cool! Manjiro is so kind!" And then I realized, I fell in love with you.

2005. A lot of things happened that year. Maybe too many things. There were still genuine and happy moments. I wish it would have been like that forever. But good things always come to an end. Pure and absolute happiness never last long. That is why we should enjoy every bit of it when we still can. Hope was all I had at the moment. It was what was driving me forward. But the more the days passed, the more I felt like I was reaching my limits. The more the days passed, the more I felt like my story was coming to an end. I didn't want to worry you, that is why I didn't tell you my health got worse. I'm writing this letter because I don't know what the future holds for me. But if the worse is to happen, please do not blame yourself, Manjiro. None of that is your fault. You did your best, and that is what matters. Even if I am not here anymore, I have nothing to worry about. You have amazing people by your side, I know you will be alright. Since the first day we met, you took care of me and protected me. I will always be grateful to you for that.

I've imagined a lot of things since then. That's all I could do. I've dreamed of running alongside you in the summer, I've dreamed of playing with you all day without tiring, I've dreamed of being by your side once we would be adults. You are my driving force, Manjiro. You were what pushed me to go on. Although, when my life went dark, when I knew I might not be there anymore, when I knew that I could never be your love... I wished we never talked. I wished we never saw. I wished I never met you. I wished I never touched your hand. Because I know you are the only one that I can ever really love. And the thought of never seeing you again just breaks me. The thought of hurting you destroys me. You are my sickness and my remedy, my sadness and my happiness. At times, I wished Shinichiro wouldn't have saved me so the pain of leaving wouldn't be this big. So these years of living and suffering wouldn't have happened for nothing. But then, I remember that thanks to Shinichiro, I got to meet you and everyone else. Then I feel happy and grateful. Because you are the best thing that happened to me, Manjiro.

Whatever happens, Manjiro, I love you. You are stronger than you think. I'm not talking in a physical way. You went through a lot, and you are still standing. You are far from being weak. You always told me I was Toman's strongest member. But you are wrong. It's you, Manjiro. Not because you've won all your fights, but because you keep fighting your darkest and inner battles. Please, don't give up. Don't let this darkness consume you. You keep helping us, you keep protecting us, you keep saving us. Please, don't be afraid of asking for help. Don't be afraid of being saved. You are loved, Manjiro. So much. You've done so much, you deserved to rest. You can rely on us. Let us help you. You are not alone.

You told me once you couldn't picture your own future. But even in the darkest hours, even if you think you cannot keep up, there will always be light. Your dream will become reality. You will create a new era for the delinquents. And then, I see you own a motorbike shop with Draken. Just like Shinichiro did with my brother. You will be happy, living a cozy and normal life. I can see it clearly. I can see you smile and laugh. I wish I would be there, by your side. But sadly, I struggle picturing it. I'm sorry, Manjiro, I don't think I can keep my promise. I don't think I will be there in ten years. But even though I'm not there physically, I will always live in your heart and in your memories.

Manjiro, you brought me light and happiness, hope and love. You made me love my life in times I didn't. You said I'm your sanity, you are mine as well. Manjiro, I love you more than words can describe. Thank you for everything.

Yamashita Sakiko.