Are We Enemies, Or Lovers?

stumbling back to what's familiar

Harry's POV

I thought I could do it. I figured, I fucked people before and moved on to fuck others without caring if they're with someone or not. So I thought it would be the same with Louis.

But as soon as I saw him coming undone under me, I couldn't stop seeing the images of him losing himself for Ed. And I couldn't bear the pain that shot through me at the thought of him with someone else.

So I ran, to the only person whose always been there for me.

"Zayn are you home?" I ask, slamming the door and pulling out of Louis's driveway.

"Yeah why?"

"I'm coming over, are you alone?"

"No, I'm with liam"

I let out a frustrated groan, "I need you"

"What's going on?"

I could hear the panic in his voice, I rarely call him telling him I need him. So he knows it's serious.

"Just come to mine please" I tell him, and drop the call.

***
I jump out the car, and I see Zayn's car coming up the drive way.

I walk inside, knowing he's going to follow me.

As always, no one else but me is home so I don't bother with checking I just make my way up to my room.

I hear rushing footsteps behind me, I leave the door open and throw myself on the bed.

Zayn busts into my room, out of breath.

"Fuck harry, you just made me run like a maniac and you didn't even bother to wait for me. I know you saw me"

"Yeah well, you just going to stand there or?"

He looks at me uncertainly, but walks towards the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, come here" I say, patting the space besides me.

He lays down next to me, on his back looking at the ceiling.

I turn to look at him, "am I a bad person?" I ask him, trying to sound as unbothered as possible.

He turns to look at me, "no, you're not. I mean don't get me wrong, you can be a cunt sometimes but you're not a bad person"

"Mmmh, that's good to know"

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

"I don't know", I tell him honestly. Cause I have no idea what I'm feeling or how to deal with those feelings.

"Ok" he says, I looks up at the ceiling again.

We stay like that, neither one of us saying anything.

His phone vibrates, and he immediately takes it out and starts texting.

I bite my lip, uncertain if I should do this but...what the hell right.

Liam already hates me, not like he can hate me anymore than he does.

And Louis has Ed so why the fuck would he care.

I place my hand on Zayn's thigh, he turns to give me a questioning look. I don't say anything. He goes back to looking at his phone without removing my hand.

I take that as a good sign, so I start running my hand up his thigh gently.

Just when I'm about to roll over and fully turn to him, I feel his hand on top of mine. Stopping me from moving any further.

"Harry what are you doing?" He asks, as if afraid of my answer.

"I miss you", I try.

"Harry, I'm dating liam. I was going to tell you but, I didn't exactly get the chance since you weren't at school" he says, carefully.

"Ok well, I don't mind. And you never minded before so, what's the problem?" I ask, trying to not lose my shit. I hate being rejected, so I never put myself in situations to be rejected.

"I love him, I'm inlove with liam. And I can't hurt him like this, plus Louis is my friend" Zayn says, still maintaining his composure.

Soon as he mentions Louis, I remove my hand from his thigh. "Get the fuck out!, if you're too good to have sex with me. Get out" I snap.

He looks taken aback by my outburst but he doesn't leave, he just sits up on the bed.

"Harry, come on... we both know you didn't call me here to have sex with me. And it's ok if you don't want to talk about what's going on. But I know you, you hate being alone so I'm not leaving you here by yourself"

I turn to look at him, biting my lip to stop a sob from escaping my lips.

I am not about to start crying in front of Zayn, he might be my best friend. But that doesn't mean he needs to seem me crying like a little bitch.

"He's dating Ed, and I just...I don't know what to do." I whisper, scared that If I say it loud enough he might understand just how much it's fucking me up.

"They went on one date harry, and he was distracted the whole day just because you didn't show up to school. So i don't think him going on a date with Ed means he doesn't care about you",..Zayn explains moving closer to me.

"Then why would he go on a date with him then? If he cares about me why is he going out with other people?" I snap.

"Because as far as he knows, you guys are just fuck buddies. And you're not dating or even exclusive in whatever you're doing. And you fucked someone else not so long ago"

"Once, i fucked someone once while i was with him. I haven't been with anyone else since. Plus he doesn't even know about that, so that doesn't excuse what he's doing"

"He doesn't need an excuse to be with other people harry, you guys are not together" Zayn says, starting to lose his patience as well.

"But he said he was mine, more than once..." I mumble.

"And did he say that whilst you guys were fucking or about to fuck?" He asks, smugly.

"Yeah?...so what?" I ask, frowning cause what the fuck does that have to do with anything.

"It doesn't really count, it's like dirty talk...he doesn't know you want him outside the bedroom. And so maybe he's yours in there but that's it. I mean, you've got him calling you daddy" He teases.

"Oh shut up!,...I don't know what to do" i say, throwing my head on his lap.

I feel his hands on my curls, "figure out If you want to date him or not. If yes, ask him out. If not, then learn to be OK with him being with other people. Louis deserves to feel loved" he explains gently.

"I don't date" I mumble.