Chapter 4

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   One the other side Audri slowed down and moved to a steady pace. She walked down the street sometimes looking behind in fear that they would follow her but to her luck, no one was. She lived not to far from the Sohma estate because of guidelines.

  Despite her being kicked out, she still had to keep a certain distance close enough to the estate. To figure that Shigure and Hatori were aware of her address and didn't visit was a relief on her end. But the consistent phone calls was something she would have preferred them not to do.

   On her way home, she knew that there was one place that she had to visit as the date made it clear. With a long sigh and as the beating in her chest subsided to a steady rhythm, she sent out to the graveyard. The air grew heavily as soon as she stepped foot into the area.

   She has been visiting the same graveyard since she was a 3rd year in Highschool but, failed to suppress the guilt and weight of dread every time she visited. Her footsteps grew heavy but she didn't wear that dread on her face as she stepped in front of the tomb stone.

   It had fresh flowers and she knew who they were from. In honesty, she was glad she missed the previous visitors as she didn't believe she would be able to look into their face without breaking down.

   Every time around the same year she grew ill. She was unaware if it was the overload of work she put on herself in attempt to distract the constant voices and reminders in her head. Or was it the fact that this was the only time of year that she felt as if the missing piece of her heart, was really gone forever.

  Any other time it would be easy to tell herself that he was still here and just doing business elsewhere. Never mind any of that, this year hit her harder than ever after hearing about Tohru. Another outsider being dragged into the mess. The hell she's been bound to for her entire life and that yet to come.

   "She's nice", Audrina whispered and sat directly in front of the grave. "Too nice....."

   It was like this every time. Sometimes her state would be worse but considering Hatori was the one to fix her, she was well in health. Better than in comparison to her last visit where she threw up on the way there.

    "I'm sorry", she chuckled to herself. "I didn't even tell you what happened....... And don't get mad...... I kinda, maybe, almost, sort-of spazzed out..... twice."

   After explaining everything that occurred in the span of two days, it was black outside. The stars served their purpose by displaying sprinkles of light that blended to form a spotlight on the grave that Audri still remained intent to stay at.

  She didn't want to leave because after the rush of anxiety, she felt at peace. He always had that influence in her.

   "I have a question for you....... And don't get mad.", she paused waiting for a response that she hoped every time would get something. "Would you be mad if I.....  forget it."

   Silence filled the air again and her heart picked up as if she was speaking to a sold out crowd. No, instead she sat infront of a grave, having a full blown conversation like someone was there... listening.

  Ignoring her last remark that had her nervous for the first time in a while, offered up everything else that happened the past year. Her promotion, how she started working out in response to panic attacks, and of course...

"I really miss you. Like a lot."

".........."

"I know I have no right to say that.... and it's not fair for everything to be like this"

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