dingus | haitani rindou

thirty one

Present

You and Rindou only sat in front of his mother's unfinished painting, seeing how despite it being incomplete and some parts were still not coloured, yet, it was still as pulchritudinous as the other ones you have seen displayed in the gallery. You know for sure if his mother managed to complete it, the painting might just be the most beautiful and enchanting one of all, exaggerating to say that none of the others can compete with its mesmerising beauty (it's sweeter to know that the painting was a gift for Rindou).

At this moment, you both had sat on the floor as you were lending your tissues (that fortunately were in your backpack) to Rindou as he was still wiping off his tears before. He can make a hyperbole of how his tears were streaming down like it was a vast and rapid waterfall, not knowing where it started or where it truly ended, but it still kept falling like the pain he felt was meant to be an eternity.

You tried to comfort him and give him... a pat on the shoulder but... it was quite... embarrassing to be described as awkward. Even Rindou had noticed it as he gently removed your hand from his shoulder, signalling to you that it was okay for you to not do that.

You being beside him was enough and witnessing him crying sure was not something that he wanted to happen but there's no use anyway, he's not a time leaper and he can't turn back time. He has absolutely no superpowers to make you turn amnesiac or alter your memory or anything possible to make you forget that he cried so miserably in front of you.

The last time he cried this hard was when he read his mother's letter and found out that he had been living in an orphanage for a week already. I mean...Rindou is not stupid and for a 5-year-old, he is sharp and quite mature as he is not naive or straight-up clueless about his surroundings. As he stated before, he knows that he is in one all this time and he is aware that his mother has passed away, but he just didn't want to question anything because, in his defence, it would not be real if he were to not mention it.

But what's the point of denying it anyway?

It already did happen. It's not like his state of denial can bring his mother back to him.

It was completely useless. Yet, he clings to it like it can bring help to him.

Sadly to even say that until now, he still can't accept his mother's death. And how he has never loathed anyone more than himself for being so selfish.

If only he opened the door, his mother might have been able to go to the other flight which didn't crash. It's all just snowball effects of events happening to him. How a trivial thing that he did which was not wanting to get out of his room had led to his mother being one of the plane crash victims.

Rindou can't ever forgive himself. That's why he is so agonised whenever he talks about his mother to anyone. He just couldn't even say good things or even praise how amazing his mother is, show off to them how such a great and memorable artist she has been.