𝘾𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙞𝙖 #1
din·gus | \ ˈdiŋ-(g)əs
a dim-witted, silly, or foolish person -often used in a joking or friendly way
"𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭."
➥in which Rindou and you had made the most unfa...
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Chapters with the character's name as the title mean it's the character's flashback/backstory and it's in 1st POV :)
I've always been the second choice.
No matter what circumstance that I am in, no matter where I am, no matter who I am with, I will always be seen as the second one. It's either just me being an option or not getting chosen at all.
Guess I can say I'm used to doing that. Especially when that shit keeps on happening for 17 years, might as well get numb to it, right?
But I can't say that I don't care about it or letting it be. It sure is a pain in the ass to know that you notice when it happens, when people trying to make you realise that you're not so interesting and you're not worth their time.
Sometimes I wish I was dense or clueless, because at least with that, I can feel less hurt.
For the least, whenever Ran is around, (I know I'm not supposed to use his first name but just let me be an asshole to him just once because this is about me and not him, so I don't give the slightest damn).
Okay anyways, every time Ran is around or near me, surprisingly it turns out way better. Because people will make me a choice and I don't have to worry about not getting chosen. This is because whenever I stand around alone, no one bats an eye at all, like I don't exist in front of them.
Every day in my life, until now, I always wonder, why was I ever born in this world? What was the purpose of me living? Why the hell people these days say that they want to live their own life and make their own choice, when they never even choose to be born in the first place?
Isn't that just stupid?
I know it's very shitty of me to mock these people, but to be honest, these people that I meant were actually me, I am one of them. Because if someone ever tell me that they hate or disgusted by the sight of me, they can sincerely just fuck off, because no one can ever hate me more than I hate myself.
It's actually not making sense of how I want to live my own life and not let people stop me in doing anything that I desire or want but yet, there's still those feelings of me questioning my very existence and asking myself again...do I ever want this life?
Can I live this life the way I want? Especially when I never even want it in the first place?
Wouldn't it just be better if I was not born in this world?
Is there going to be someone's life that will be incomplete if I were to never enter their life?
I bet there wouldn't be.Because me being alive or dead or nonexistent wouldn't make a difference, I am considered as someone invisible or insignificant in their lives anyways.
If self loathing was a competition, I would have been crowned champion multiple times already. Because nothing in this world that I'm good at other than that.
