billie
"yeah but you've got to understand why she reacted the way she did billie" Dr.Francisco tells me.
"I know and I do" I sigh playing with my fingers, "I just wish she would take me seriously, it's like she's just a brick wall and everything I say bounces back to hit me in the face" I tell her.
"how would you handle the situation? if you were in her shoes, how would you have reacted?"
"probably the same way honestly but that's not who summer is, that's not how she is yk. she's this understanding person and she takes everything with a smile. that's who she is, not the person I was talking to" I groan.
"well these things change people billie. her trust was broken by you and she was betrayed, her sweet self was taken for granted. I know that I wouldn't be the same after that situation" she shrugs.
I bite my inner cheek staring at my hands, "I don't think she's the same person you knew billie but that's expected. you guys haven't seen each other in almost three years" I nod at her words.
"I just hate it" I mutter, "she barely even acknowledged me while I was next to her" I rub my face, "she saw the tattoo and didn't say shit either, that is just bullshit" I groan.
"billie."
"right. sorry" I apologize glancing at Dr.Francisco, "I'm just frustrated" I shrug, she keeps quiet letting us have a moment of taking it in.
"you know.. I always thought summer was too good to be true, I was always waiting for a moment to just wake up from this dream and she is not there because she's just too good to be true" I bite my lip feeling tears well up.
"and the fact that she was with me, she chose me and she was ready to settle down with me. it was all just unreal to me, I still hope I wake up from this dream till today but only this time.. because I hate myself for what I've done"
"before I was waiting to wake up because she was too good for me and that's true, look at how I treated the one girl who was just there to love me and take care of me. she never asked for anything besides for me to spend a night and love her... I've never hated myself so much Dr.Francisco" I shake my head feeling my tears run down.
"and I've tried from when we had our first session to put that hate aside and focus on bettering myself but seeing her has just brought it back up. I've turned her into this brick and I hate it so much" I sob.
"she didn't deserve it, she's the last person to deserve what I've done and I jeopardized my relationship. I really want to marry that girl, I want her to be the mother of my kids"
"noami is great but she's not what I want, I'm grateful for her, I really am but I promised summer to build a family with her. not some random girl from a party"
"it's so fucked up and there's no undoing what I've done" Dr.Francisco let's me cry it out and she comforts me through it.
"you're okay billie" she says as I calm down after what feels like forever, "I'm really not" I shake my head.
"do you think maybe you cheated because you were constantly waiting for summer to leave you the whole time you were in a relationship?"
