summer "billie has told me a lot about you summer" Dr.Francisco says as we take our seats across each other.
"uh.. I don't exactly know what to say about that" I chuckle, she smiles slightly opening her book to page through it.
"how are you doing?" she asks glancing up at me before continuing her paging.
"I'm good, how are you doing?" I ask her with a slight smile, "I'm okay" i nod watching her stare at her shoes trying to gather her thoughts.
"so.. I'm going to go straight into this because billie will be coming in soon for her appointment" I nod waiting, "I've had billie as a patient for two years now and our only topic is based around you and your guys' relationship"
"I have a whole diary over you because you're all she talks about" she chuckles lightly, "but I wanted to talk to you about a few things, if you don't mind"
"not at all" I shake my head.
"okay. billie has told me about the relationship on her perspective and I want your perspective from the beginning and when things started changing to when it ended and seeing billie now after so much time" she gives me eye contact.
"uh.. of course, I remember when I went on my first date with billie and she was so nervous" I chuckle, "she was always sort of nervous around me but when I asked her she said I had a hold on her but I'm guessing that was before the cheating started" I shrug.
"I had purposely held off on the sexual stuff even though I was sure I wanted to be with billie, only because sex is such an important thing to me. I don't know, it kind of stupid really" I say waving my hand.
"I see it as such a beautiful thing with such a connection and bond, its definitely not something I could do with just anyone which is why I've never been in many relationships because finding people who are patient is hard and if my gut feeling tells me to not go for it, then I won't"
"many people don't like that, I've had a fight with someone about it- sorry, I'm getting off track" I laugh stopping myself.
"no no please, go on" she says closing her book to give me her attention.
"okay. as I was saying.. I've had a fight with someone about it because they wanted to have sex before we were committed and I couldn't, something was always telling not to do it and I didn't, only to find out that they weren't the person I thought they were" I shrug.
"so yeah.. I don't know. I've just always-" my words are cut off with the door opening and billie walks in but stops on her tracks seeing me.
"please come in billie, if you don't mind summer?" dr.Francisco asks.
"I don't" she nods letting billie seat next to me on the couch, "go on"
"I was saying it's always been a big deal to me, which is why I held off on our relationship until I was finally ready and billie said she wasn't" I say gesturing at billie next to me.
"and a week later, we both were ready and we had sex but looking back at it now, knowing that she was with another girl a few days before me makes me feel a bit sick honestly, it just hurts because I had taken it as such a big deal while billie couldn't even wait for me" I bite my lip.
"even after that, she continued with it, that hurts a lot" I whisper out the last bit, "but it's fine" I shrug pushing it aside, "and fast forward a few months later, we moved in together but billie barely spent a night at our place but I understand because she was just at the peak of her career and I guess I was just too blinded"
"it's not like I couldn't feel the other girl's energy off of her, I could but I pushed it aside. I wasn't going to bust her bubble of the high she was on because I was feeling insecure, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt which was my mistake" I kiss my cheek.
"but with whatever happened.. one good thing I can say about our relationship was it was so good at the start, I was on a constant high" I say looking over at billie seeing her staring at me with teary eyes.
"I just wish it could have stayed that way but then you started with the manipulation and gaslighting, I forgot who I was trying to save us and I stayed and took all the shit you had thrown on me. all the times you put me down and made me feel like I was crazy, made me feel like I had no right to feel the way I felt because I was tripping or whatever the fuck but the whole time you were fighting me trying to cover up your constant actions" I say wiping my tears.
"I wasn't that dumb billie, a big part of me knew you were on some sneaky shit but I didn't want to believe it because I actually saw a future with you, I loved you like no other" I say staring at her.
"you were never home when I took those multiple pregnancy test while I was crying myself in the bathroom thinking I was pregnant or the time our neighbors got broken into. that could have been me and it could have been much easier because you weren't home, you were out at clubs getting dances from girls"
"you never cared about me and I wish I could have removed myself before I got attached" I shrug accepting the tissue Dr was handing to me.
"god you weren't there for a lot of things, I don't know how I lasted three years in a relationship that was so unfair to me and my mental health"
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I make so many mistakes when texting😭🔫 otherwise, I've had a great day 😫
