billie "you're okay?" I ask summer seeing her dozed off staring at her plate.
"yeah, I'm fine" she mutters putting down her fork and look around the restaurant, "this place brings a lot of memories" she mutters.
I brought her to the restaurant I first met her.
"it does" I nod staring at her, "I want to start over" i tell her.
"huh?"
"I said I want to start over, I feel like I'm always walking around with this heavy guilt in my chest and it's fucked up to say my heart physically aches but it's been like that for so long that it doesn't even matter anymore" I shrug.
"if I could take you and the girls to stay somewhere else in a foreign city and make that a fresh new start, I would but I can't. we both have lives here and it's almost impossible with how many things would hold us back but mostly.. it wouldn't release the feeling I'm feeling and stay feeling" I say nippling on my bottom lip.
"I don't know what I'm trying to say honestly" I trial off, "but if you could look into my heart, you would see how my heart is just literally aching and I feel like I have no right to complain because I caused it" she stares at me as I talk.
"but summer.. whatever it takes for you to start trusting me please let me know so I can do it" I tell her, "whatever it is, say the word" she nods looking down at her plate.
"I appreciate it"
I groan rubbing my face, "I feel like you don't believe me or anything I say.. summer I love you and I might have not shown that before but fuck dude, I am so in love with you" I say taking her hand.
"I do believe you billie"
"no you don't. I can see how everything I say goes in on one ear and goes out the other. then you shrug it off and move on with life" I anxiously pull on the skin on my lip.
"billie-"
"please" I beg her.
"I don't understand what you're asking of me" she shrugs.
"I'm asking you to work with me and try to take in the words I say" I tell her.
"I'm trying" she whispers out.
"are you though? because you have quite literally pushed me away the whole time, not once have you tried to let me do what I need to do" she went silent after that.
"I love you summer and one day I want to eventually hear you say those words back" I kiss the back of her hands, "shit even put a stone on this finger" I say tapping her ring finger.
"I'm trying to let you in again billie, its not easy" she shrugs, "I appreciate you trying and I can tell that you're trying but.. this is the best I can do at the moment"
"okay" I sigh, "okay, I will keep trying" she gives me a small nod and takes back her hands to eat.
billieeilish
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