summer
"i appreciate your flowers and letters but nothing is ever going to replace the way you've made me feel so weak" I tell billie after calming down.
Dr.Francisco hands me a bottle of water which I thank her softly before taking a sip, "I hate that I had to bring up some shit from years ago, I should have forgotten this by now and moved on" I roll my eyes closing the bottle.
"I think this was very much needed" Dr Francisco says looking at both of us, "billie, I hope you now see more of what happened from summer's side" she says making billie nods with her lips pressed in a thin line.
"do you have anything you want to say?"
I watch as billie let out a breath trying to stop her tears before looking up to meet my eyes, "I have a lot I want to say but mostly.. I'm very sorry. I'm so so sorry for hurting you and being immature"
"I'm sorry for cheating and betraying your trust, I'm sorry you loved me at my worst and dealt with me and I have nothing to show for it" she says licking her lips, "I love you summer" she tells me making me look away.
"when I started blowing up, it was between you or the lifestyle I've always wanted and I was scared. I was scared to leave something I've always wanted behind to focus on you when you could up and leave any second than I would be shattered. so I turned to where I knew I couldn't get hurt and I'm sorry I hurt you while doing so"
"I was terrified, I wanted to have kids, I wanted to get married. I wanted all that shit with you but what if you got bored or you found someone better? I would never be able to recover because there is nobody like you out there but either way.. I've lost you" she swallows back her tears.
"I fucking love you, I will always love you.. so much, you have no clue. you have my heart on your hands and I want you to destroy it as much as I've done to you because I absolutely hate myself for ever causing you pain" she cries out.
"you should have never had to be crying alone in a cold apartment while I was out god knows where and whenever I am back, I would be feeding you lies and making you look down at yourself. I was selfish and unfair and for that i am sorry from the bottom of my heart summer and I don't expect forgiveness but I do want you to know that this version of myself is the best person ever and I'm proud of myself for being even able to say that"
"but me being this person means nothing when I can't be the best version of myself for you" she shakes her head, "nobody deserves this more than you do and nobody is going to get it" she reaches for my hand.
"I am so sorry" she apologize kissing my palm, I wipe my tears pulling my hand away and get up.
"I really appreciate this session Dr.Francisco but I really need to go" I tell her, she gives me a small smile and nod while getting up to hug me, "she really is trying for you" she tells me.
I look back seeing billie crying into her hands, "billie" she looks up at me hopefully, "you do have a kid with me" I tell her making her face twist in confusion.
"I never got that abortion and you have a very well daughter that I birth, she's the greatest and I know she would love you. just give me some time okay?" she nods eagerly and wiping her tears.
"yeah okay, I can do that"
"good but you can come by to meet her tomorrow" I tell her as I step out of the office and close the door behind me.
