LITERAL LEGEND 🕷 HEARTREAK HIGH

one, two: the writings on the wall

mara followed the flock of her school acquaintances to the old stairwell. somewhere her and spider made out in between passing moments. pushing students out of the way. clawing her way to the top. and to her horror, it was true. she came face to face with a large sex map. everything between everyone. names she recognized like darren and ant. and names she did not like mary good. some of the links were surprising, much less could be said for others. she found her own name written into red ink that seemed to run like blood. all the lines coming out of it. hook-up's she remembered. some she could not care less about. but the one person she did care about was found unlinked to her name.

"what in the kids helpline?" darren started, all eyes staring straight ahead at the map. following it. much like her other peers. she looked behind her to see spider laughing and taking pictures of the map making horrible comments about people written there.

"damnnn she gets passed around." ant's voice reached her ears, watching spider's eyes flicker up to hers. the emotion on his face changed. something unreadable. then came the amused glance. their names were not linked. and he was happy about it. the chatter started to ring at her ears. embarrassment hit her. but what was she embarrassing about. all those links meant nothing to her. so why did seeing him not linked with her make her sick. jealously? make her stomach drop and heart ache. so, she made a run for it. fighting her way back down those steps. away from all the talking. sweat lingering her brow as she tried to get away. yet the stretch of students never seemed to end. everyone wanted to look at the list to see if their name was on it. or just to see who did it with who. and what seemed to be a lifetime, she dropped to her knees before the toilet bowl. the smell of sick tickling her nose as she cried. feeling the hot tears smear her mascara. yet she could not decide why she was crying. maybe seeing her name with so name others finally made her realise the reality of the long list of hook-ups. or it was the amused glance spider gave her when he realised the unalignment between them.

and the assembly was called. fucking fantastic. she left the bathroom. eyes still puffed up; cold water splashed on her warm cheeks which burned red. readjusting her shirt making sure you could see the plunge of her boobs before stepping into the assembly hall. she was late. most of the seats already filled up. only a few lefts remained open. one at the back is the one she went for. sitting in between two people she did not recognized. reapplying her lip gloss when the head teacher started her first day back speech.

"i am a woke women. i enjoy sex as much as the next person." and a groan of grimace went through the students. someone almost choking on sweets. she wanted to throw up again.

"but reputation is everything. and this map has jeparotised your reputations and the reputation of the school. we are currently in the process of contacting all the parents of everyone on the map." and mara froze up. oh fuck. her mum was going to kill her. she already thought she was a useless pathetic excuse of a daughter but a girl who got passed around her school too. it was not looking good.

"and i have strongly suggested that there are to be no parties, shindigs, or gathos. unsupervised parties' mean alcohol. alcohol equals poor choices and life risking mistakes. the risk-taking behaviours on this map are unacceptable and unforgivable. hartley high prides itself on a safe environment but clearly this is the wakeup call that we are not doing enough. we will find out who did this. now get to class. go. go. go." and the whole hall seemed to stand, bucking it to the doors to escape. that is what she needed an escape. she needed spider. but she did not. she wanted to be nowhere near him. she found herself outside. on the picnic table by the trees. she sat, leaned over. breathing in gulps of air. she could hear a group of lads playing football, she could hear a group of girls giggling as they passed. she felt eleven again. eyes staring straight ahead at the school watching people go passed her. like she was not there. she did not know what was wrong with her. the sound around her seemed to crackle now like a tv static and tears stung her eyes once more. she felt her heartbeat raising in her chest. the tight feeling on her lungs as if she were drowning. a panic attack. she quickly stumbled towards the building. shaking hands tucked to her hips. brushing past people and their muffled whispers as she ran for the old bathroom. her place she had out in moments like this. passing the familiar blur of faces as she ran for it. damming the bathroom door shut as she fell the ground. the cold stone tile complimented her burning skin.

"mara? you, okay?" a boy's voice came and she let out a cry. crawling in the floor to get away. she could not let anyone see her like this. crawling into a stall was her only option. slamming the door shut as the main door opened. she could see the blurry markings written on the stall wall. the things people said about each other. death threats and disgusting comments on appearances.

"marianne? please tell me you're okay?" he called again. spider. it was spider.

"go away spider." she leaned against the door. feeling the door jiggle slightly before she heard someone join her on the floor. her fingers had gone numb from the tingles, the urge to throw up raising by the second. when a cold hand linked with hers. that familiar vanilla scent reached her nose. spencer.

"five things you can, see?" he questioned. the touch of his thumb rubbing over her hand came next. a circle to be exact.

"toilet. trainers. bog roll. wall. window." she spat out, gasping for breaths still. the pain in her chest did not subside pushing down on her. it felt as if she were being crushed. eyes flashing around the stall to answer him.

"four things you can feel?"

"floor. phone. jacket. you." she sighed out. he was humming. something familiar but she could not place her finger on it.

"three things you can hear?"

"music, laughing. you." finally realising he was humming the song coming from her headphones. the buzzing noise allowed them to hear the tune of i love you so against the tile.

"two things you can smell?"

"rotten piss and vanilla." her comment made him laugh. feeling his chuckle through their touch. a wave of calmness instantly passed through her.

"one thing you can taste?"

"blood." her tongue swiped across her lip. only to find a bitter metallic liquid on her tongue. mumbling it as she raised the free hand. pressing a finger against her lips and pulling it back to find the red mark that remained.

"blood! open this door." he demanded. the comforting cold touch seemed to steer away as if she burnt him. banging on the door straight away and the door opened. he found the trickle of red down her nose. she was okay. that is all the mattered. he smiled as he lifted his hand to her cheek. thumb running under her lip where the blood was. in attempt to clean it up for her.

"spider? man? you down here?" and then ant's voice came, spider's eyes widening as his hand pulled away from her face. and she motioned to the door. and he smiled. mouthing a i am sorry before disappearing through it. and she remained stood in front of the sink. blood smeared over her cheek where he went to wipe it away.