Forbidden Desire

Chapter 9: Night out

Pov Natasha

It wasn't easy to ignore y/n and it hurt me a little to treat her this coldly but I think it's best.
After last Friday and the situation in my office, which honestly was pretty hot, I thought about it that night. I would have loved to rip her clothes off her and take her on my desk or bend over it or on my sofa or the desk chair, literally anywhere because the desire to feel her skin under my fingers and watch her fall apart underneath me was huge but it wasn't safe.

Even if I would have locked the door, it would have been way too dangerous in the middle of a school day. Besides, I wouldn't want our first time to be in my office, where aftercare isn't really the best. I would want to have our first time somewhere comfortable, where I can explore her body and see what she likes and what she doesn't like.

But even thinking about a first time is dumb because that night, I realized how much is at stake for me. I am risking my job and reputation and if the word spreads that I started something with a student, I might never find a job again and that's just a horror scenario.

Besides, I'm not sure if that's really what y/n wants. Sure, she said she has a crush on me but I'm multiple years older than her, I don't really know how many but still and I'm sure she would much rather have someone her age.

It's forbidden and we should follow that rule, it's there for a purpose. So, the solution I came up with was, to mainly ignore her presence, except for when she said something in class. I ditched the few times she asked to talk about it and it broke me a little to see her hurt and disappointed expression.
My behavior may not be fair towards her but it's the easiest way to end this. Keeping myself from looking at her was hard but necessary because if I looked at her and into her eyes, I know I would have gotten weak and I can't allow that.

Her behavior changed as well, at least today. She seemed more distant as well and maybe even a little angry, which I can completely understand and I have to admit, maybe I am a little afraid to talk to her and explain all this because I don't want to see the hurt in her eyes. I really like her and I don't want to hurt her but there is no other way if I don't want to risk everything.

My mood has been affected by this, feeling a little grumpy because all I want is to hug her and kiss her, maybe spend a calm night with her and just enjoy her presence. But I can't have that and that pisses me off. If the circumstances were any different, if she wasn't my student, it could work but not like this.

Wednesday I had a video chat with Maria. She sensed my mood instantly and while I got comfortable on my couch at home, she observed me.
"What's the origin of your bad mood?" She asked and I rolled my eyes a little, sometimes hating that she can read me this well. I haven't told her about y/n because I wasn't sure how she would react.

"I just had a long day." I explained, putting my laptop down on my coffee table and watching as Maria leans forward a little.

"No, that's not it. There's something else." She said and raised one eyebrow, waiting for me to tell her what's wrong. I sighed and let my head drop back onto the backrest of the couch.
"Is this about a woman?" She asked and when I grumbled a bit, she knew she was right.
"Bad sex? Or way too long no orgasm?" She continued and I chuckled a bit.

"You know, an unfulfilled sex life isn't the only thing that can make someone frustrated." I told her and she nodded thoughtfully.
"And I'll have you know, that I have great toys that fulfil their purposes greatly." I added and she grinned a bit.

"That's good then." She replied and I nodded.
"So, you like someone then?" She asked and I almost choked on the water I was drinking, giving her a clear answer.
"Who is she?"

For a moment I thought about telling her everything but even though Maria isn't a very judgmental person when it comes to me, I'm not sure how she'd react to this. Instead, I decided to change it just a bit.

"Someone I met but I can't be with her, it's pretty complicated." I explained. It really isn't that complicated. I can't be with her because she's my student, that's all.
Maria hummed and thought about it for a few moments.

"So, that's why you're grumpy?" She asked and I nodded, hiding behind my glass of water a little because admitting that y/n has this effect on me is almost embarrassing.

"Okay. We'll go to a bar on Friday, drink something and find you someone new." Maria decided and I smiled at her.
If the situation was different, I'd be very thankful for that but if I'm being honest, right now I don't want someone new. But telling her that would only lead to more questions. Questions, that I maybe have no answer to.

So, here I am, on my way to a new bar with Maria. She thought it would be smart to choose a new bar because there would be other people than the ones at our usual bar. I agreed because a bar is a bar and even though I'm not looking for someone new, a fun night with my friend will hopefully cheer me up.
We arrive and I search for a table for us while Maria gets us drinks. From where I sit, I can't really see the bar but the dancefloor, so it's alright. Maria comes back with our drinks and puts them down.

"To forgetting the last woman and finding a new one." She says and raises her glass. I raise mine as well and we clink them together before taking a sip.

"How's the new semester going so far?" She asks, starting a chill conversation.
Well, usually chill but little does she know, that the new semester kinda is the reason for my grumpy mood.

But I try to ignore it and tell her that it's quite interesting since I am reading a few new books this semester and the students have great thoughts about them. It's not a lie though and I push away the thought of y/n being one of those students.

We chat some more about my work before we switch to hers and she tells me how her work at the police training camp goes.
She and a few co-workers of hers created this 'camp' to train police officers. It's different than the other camps because they train them to deescalate situations and be sensible towards specific topics.

They also teach them the value of every person, no matter the skin color or origin. It's to prevent police violence towards innocent people. It's only a small program so far but I'm really proud of her for doing this because in our society it is important to 'raise' a non-racist police force.

I listen to her tell me about how many applicants they already have and that the police department thinks about introducing those kinds of camps in other cities as well.
Maria is in a great mood and is the first to jump up when our drinks are empty to get refills.

After the second drink, we decide to go to the dance floor and I can already tell, that my thoughts don't swirl around the brunette girl in my class anymore and my mood lifts. I welcome this change and when a song comes on, that I love. I move my body to the beat while screaming the lyrics to Maria, who does the same. This is fun and exactly what I needed, just a night away from my thoughts and worries, letting go of all that and just having fun with my friend.

A/n: And the whole situation from Natasha's pov. 
Any assumptions what might happen next? XD

Thanks for reading and love to you all <3