Forbidden Desire

Chapter 24: Ice cream bathtub

Pov y/n

With every step I take, my heart starts to feel heavier and I barely look at where I’m going, my feet just carrying me towards my apartment.

The fight replays in my head, over and over again and each time, it’s the same words that hurt me the most.
I make it home and open the door, almost storming into my room. Yelena looks up in surprise from the couch where she was drawing something.

“Y/n?” She asks and I hear her get up while kicking off my shoes.
I fight to open the zipper on my dress before stepping out of it and also the tights, leaving me in underwear.

Yelena comes into my room, none of us caring that I’m in underwear. She watches as I grab a hoodie and some sweatpants and throw them on before flopping onto my bed.

“Why are you already here?” She asks softly and comes closer.
And that’s the point where my walls break and I can’t keep it in anymore.

I start crying and she hurries up to hug me tightly, letting me cry into her shoulder. Her hands soothingly rub over my back and I let it all out. My heart clenches and I feel like someone stepped on it.

“Shhh, I’m here.” Yelena says, holding me close and rocking us a little.
She doesn’t care that I’m wetting her shirt with my tears and when I pull away, she cups my face and wipes away a few tears.

“What’s the matter?” She asks and I sniffle, shaking my head and getting up. She lets me do so and follows me into her room, where I sit down on her bed, leaning against her headboard.

Her bed has always been more comfortable in this kind of situations because she has more pillows.
She sits down next to me and wraps one arm around me, holding me close.

“Wanna tell me what or who hurt you?” She asks in a soft voice that's rare for her.

“We had our first fight.” I sob and she looks at me sadly, pulling me a little closer and I lean against her.

“What was it about?” She asks further. I wipe my face but new tears spill from my eyes.

“I told her you know…about us and she said I would…endanger what’s between us. That she could lose…everything if you told anyone…who isn’t allowed to know. I tried to tell her…that you would never tell on us. But… she didn’t really believe me.” I tell Yelena, sobs interrupting my words and she hums, her hold on me not changing.

“So, she threw you out?” She asks and I can hear the anger in her voice and shake my head.

“No, I decided to go home because I needed some time to think about it and she said it was a good idea for me to go home.” I say and start sobbing again.

“She didn’t even stop you?” Yelena asks a little incredulous, having the same reaction as me.
Maybe Natasha also needed time to think about everything but it made me feel so small and unimportant.

“What hurt me most was…when she talked about loosing everything…she always just talked about her job…and stuff but never mentioned me.” I feel my heart painfully clenching together as I think about her words.

I thought we were building something up and even though I don’t expect to be her number one priority, it did hurt that she doesn’t seem to count me into things she cares about.

“That’s fucked up. Sure, she risks more than you but it’s not like it is easy for you either. If this comes out, there will be rumors and people will talk about you badly. It’s not like you want this to be discovered. Besides, she should also care about you and what happens to you if this blows up and if she will still have you then.” Yelena agrees with my thoughts and I cuddle a little more into her, needing her comfort.

She gladly gives it to me and places a kiss on the top of my head. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her honestly. She lets me feel my feelings and cry as long as I need to, all while staying by my side and being there for me.

“I don’t know what we are anymore.” I whisper, my voice a little raspy from crying. Yelena looks at me and I can tell that she doesn’t have an answer to this to.

“We didn’t even put a label on what we were up to now but it kinda feels like it’s over now. She cares a lot about her job and all that, so maybe it’s better for her if we go back to being professor and student again.” I mumble.

“Is that what you want?” Yelena asks and I think about it and shake my head.

“No, I want to be with her because she makes me really happy and I felt safe with her but I won’t force anything and if she doesn’t want to be with me, then I have to work my way through that until I don’t care anymore either.” I say and sigh, feeling my heart getting heavy in my chest at that thought.

Yelena nods and places another kiss on my head. For a while we stay silent, until she looks down at me.
“You know what would fit perfectly right now?” She asks, her voice still soft and I shake my head.

“The ice cream bathtub.” She answers her own question and I smile weakly and nod.

“Yeah, that would be very fitting right now.” I agree and smile a little more as the memory of us coming up with this plays in my head.

We were around 13 and watched a movie and when the commercials came, we watched them.
There was this one girl who was feeling sad and her mom brought her a tub of ice cream and sprinkles and she was feeling better then.
That’s when we thought about the ultimate way of cheering someone up.

We decided that ice cream was a good start but one tub won’t do much when you are heartbroken because it doesn’t go away that quickly.
So, there needs to be more ice cream, around a bathtub full because then you can’t be sad anymore.
Who wouldn’t want an ice cream tub the size of a bathtub.
You can eat a hole and then sit in it and just eat everything around you.

Add a friend and some music and you’ll feel better soon.
Sure, it’s not very hygienic when you sat in the ice cream but that’s not the point. Ever since we came up with that, we decided that it is the perfect help for the ultimate sadness.

So far, it never occurred that one of us was this sad, not even after our first break ups but this surely is the right moment for an ice cream bathtub.

“We sadly don’t have enough ice cream for that but we do have some in the freezer. Should I go get some?” Yelena offers and I nod.

She carefully unwraps herself from me and hurries to grab the ice cream. While she does so, I move over to the sofa in the living room, so we can watch a movie or a show to distract myself.

We cuddle together again and Yelena hands me my spoon and holds the ice cream tub for me.
The next few hours we spend on the sofa, watching a show and eating ice cream.
When it’s empty, we just cuddle and I allow myself to get distracted by the TV, not thinking about the fight anymore or what it may mean.

One thing I know for sure though, I won’t go to class tomorrow, I’m not ready to face her right away.

A/n: Yelena is the kind of friend everyone deserves.

Thanks for reading and love to you all <3