Forbidden Desire

Chapter 25: Sick

Pov Natasha

Describing it as feeling crushed feels like an understatement.
Ever since my fight with y/n, I’ve been feeling like shit.
It wasn’t supposed to go like this and I didn’t mean to get that upset but I got so scared and upset in the moment, that I couldn’t control my emotions anymore.

The picture of her sad face, hurt in her eyes is burned into my head and I feel really bad for making her feel this way.

Yes, I was feeling a lot at the same time but I never meant to hurt her and the worst part is, that I don’t really know what exactly hurt her.
Somewhere along the fight, she got that hurt expression in her eyes but I can’t recall at which words.

I want to bang my head against a wall for not noticing it because I don’t know what to tell her the next time I see her.
I will for sure apologize for flipping out and hurting her and I wanna talk about this calmly.

While laying in bed that night, I also thought that maybe it’s not that much of a big deal.
She did have a point that her friend would have noticed if she would be away way more often than before and I understand that keeping this from her friend must be hard for her.
It’s also hard for me to keep it from Maria but I manage. But once again, I am not living with her, so it’s a different situation.
Maybe y/n is right and we can trust Yelena but maybe not, I don’t know her at all.

All I know is, that I need to talk to y/n, face to face.
I was hoping to be able to do that Monday after class but she wasn’t there. It made me worry a little but then I thought, maybe she needed time to process and I understand that I am not really the person she wants to see during that process.

I accepted that fact but somehow still looked out for her in the hallway but I didn’t see her.
Monday afternoon it started raining heavily and it didn’t stop all night.
It reminded me of the first moments we spent together during that thunderstorm a few weeks ago.

I smile a little at the memory. Back then I didn’t know I would fall for this girl.

Hold on.
I’m falling for her?
I listen to myself and my feelings and I can’t deny that I already fell for her.
She makes me feel a certain kind of way that I’ve never felt before and it’s exciting.

I wanna see her and tell her that but right now doesn’t seem like the right moment.
Maybe on Wednesday.

But she isn’t there either.
My eyes almost instantly dart to her desk when I step into the room and it’s empty. Worry starts to rise.
Is she still processing?
Or did something happen to her?

No, I’m sure she is fine. At least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself to believe.
I couldn’t stand the thought of her not being fine.
It’s hard to concentrate during the lecture but I make it through and quickly make my way back to my office to sort out my thoughts.
I grab my phone and open our chat. She hasn’t texted me since our fight but neither did I.

Natasha: Hey, I wanted to see if everything is okay? You’ve been missing some lectures… (sent 11:15 am)

Natasha: I’m sorry about the fight on Sunday. Can we talk, please? (sent 2:28 pm)

Natasha: I’m starting to get worried. Please just tell me you’re okay (sent 10:56 pm)

She doesn’t respond to any of them, she doesn’t even read them and it makes me worry even more.
It also hurts me a little but mainly because it makes me think of how hurt she looked on Sunday.
A part of me understands that she doesn’t want to talk to me right now but I want to talk about what happened and settle it.