Can I Steal Your Heart? - A LawLu fanfic

(Law) Chapter 19 - Regret

A/N: I'm sorry to give a fairly short chapter after two painful ones. I'm also sorry to announce that I'm going down to two chapters a week instead of attempting three, since my buffer is running out a little faster than it's being replaced. I will say that happier chapters are on their way... eventually. But for now, reveal of info hinted at nearly a dozen chapters ago! ...Don't hate me?

He'd never dealt with so many conflicting emotions at once. Usually his emotions were simple and straightforward, coming one at a time. Now he was equal parts hurt, worried, sad, angry... and happy. Luffy's sleepy request to call him by name and not to leave without a goodbye were sweet, but not quite sweet enough to wipe out the sting of his rejection, or the weight of Law's own guilt for confessing to the younger captain in the first place.

That guilt, in turn, wasn't quite enough to block out the feeling of Luffy against his back, warm and relaxed and yet holding on so tightly as Law carried him. The way those lips had almost pressed into his neck as Luffy sniffed in his sleep, and the gentle breaths that had moved his hair still haunted him.

He'd never meant to cause the other so much tension and stress. Even hindsight hadn't given him another solution, another way out of that day without hurting Luffy, but he still hated himself for saying anything. If he were someone more prone to tears, he might've cried at the way Luffy had asked how he could make it easier. All he wanted was to keep Luffy safe and smiling, and yet Luffy had looked more insecure and worried than ever because of him.

He opened the book he'd hidden Rune's sketch in, pulling out the stiff paper and unfolding it. He had to resist the urge to rip it into shreds. If it weren't for this damn picture, maybe it wouldn't have been on my mind so heavily. Maybe I could've gone a little longer! Rune had told him to focus on what he'd most wanted to know, and he'd let himself get distracted. He should've focused on something helpful, like when Luffy would be in the most danger or what would be required for Luffy to become the King of the Pirates. Instead he'd let his thoughts wander to just his feelings for Luffy and Luffy's damn smile and Luffy, Luffy, Luffy.

And the damn picture had reflected it. The pencil version of Luffy stood with one foot on top of a prone body that might have been Red-Haired Shanks, maybe, but the face was partially obscured by Luffy's signature hat, and so wasn't very clear. But Luffy's was. And on Luffy's face was a soft, sweet, proud grin at the pencil version of Law himself. Sweet with an affection that Law wanted to interpret as more than friendship. Luffy's hand stretched out towards the crown in Law's grip. And Penciled Law had an expression that Law had never equated with his own face as he seemed to prepare to hand it over.

Did he ever actually look at Luffy with that much... open affection? Had he been that obvious? If he had, it wouldn't've mattered if he'd confessed to Luffy or not. Luffy would've eventually seen it anyway. He could be dense, sure, but he had a way of seeing people that seemed to pinpoint their weaknesses.

There were other details, too, in the background of the picture. Some of them were cause for worry, like Franky's missing left arm, or the gash across Bepo's chest that a frantic-looking Chopper seemed to be working on. But it was clear enough. Victory, the crowning of a Pirate King, and... love.

Love that wouldn't happen. Rune had got something wrong, and he'd told her as much. But she'd just smiled and said "Maybe." The victory would happen, Law would make sure of it, though maybe not like that. But Luffy would probably never look at him the way the pencil version did. Law couldn't let himself expect that, not ever again. This picture had allowed a kernel of hope to grow, which had made Luffy's inevitable rejection hurt worse.

Law gently refolded the picture, tucking it back into the book and sliding said book back into its place on his shelves. Then with a sigh he slumped onto his bed. They would separate the ships in the morning, going on their own way for a little while until the next plan could be executed, and Law wasn't sure if he was glad for it or not. It was bad for his heart, to be around Luffy so much.

Bad for his heart, but good for him in so many ways, too.

For example, he slept better, somehow, knowing that the bright-eyed captain was just a few meters away. He hadn't gotten less than six hours a night this entire week, a feat that hadn't happened since Corazon was alive to give him a bubble of silence as he slept. And something inside him was... shifting. Healing, maybe. He found that there was less bitterness inside him, less anger towards the unjust world. Less darkness. Not necessarily less cynicism, but trace amounts of optimism to keep it company. As if, no matter how dark and evil the world seemed, it couldn't possibly be all bad, not if someone like Monkey D. Luffy existed in it.

That thought disturbed him vaguely, though he couldn't put his finger on why. Thankfully, the disturbance in his head was not enough so that he couldn't fall into a still-needed sleep.