Smile

6

August 13th

"Moonie." Is all he's been calling me since he figured out what my name meant. His reason behind it being: "nobody else calls you that, right?"

Which I, of course, respond with: "I don't talk to that many people, Kai. No."

And with Kai being Kai, he lights up. From his eyes to his lips you could see nothing but joy and he hasn't called me by my name since.

I've known Kai for a month now and I've learned so much about him. From his birthday to the fact that he loves gory Tv even though he cries whenever anybody dies. The most interesting thing about him tho, despite his many interests, is that his name is Kaito Tanaka. Why that's interesting? I don't know, just is.

My admiration for Kai has died down and I don't constantly paint a perfect image of him every time that I see him but still, he is showing to be nothing less than. He's the definition of happy. Like the sun on its best days.

Despite my learning almost everything possible a person can learn from someone, Kai knows almost nothing about me. The deepest thing I've told him is my last name, Hayes. He knows where I live and that it's with my mother but he's, thankfully, never seen her. Neither of us have brought up the topic of my dad, which, I'm glad that Kai knows how to take a hint. I've given him my phone number after much persuasion and have still refused to tell him my address.

"Tell Kai I said hello." I glanced back at Rosie as she waved and exited through the back door. Rosie has been very interested in my new friend. I can tell she's only interested because I never talk to anybody and when I do, it usually doesn't end well as, like I've stated before, I'm not very nice.

"Who's Kai?" The bright-eyed newbie, Aurua, smiled as she restocked the shipment of coffee beans. "Is that your boyfriend?" She hummed.

"...no." I replied plainly to which she shrugged and continued her job. I stared at her for a moment to make sure she wasn't going to say anything snarky or address my 'bad attitude' as so many do.

Aurua was sweet, or at least seemed sweet, so I don't expect her to say anything but you never know. She had long, waist length, wavy blonde hair and the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen. Her cheeks were permanently a pretty blushed pink and her eyelashes constantly looked as if she had been crying.

She was beyond gorgeous and had the sweetest high pitched voice as if she was going to sing to you like a Disney princess. She mentioned she had a brother and she won't stop talking about her yorkie named Milo. From what I've learned, she doesn't seem to have a bad bone in her body.

"Celestia," I turn toward the voice of my manager, the warm croissant that I was preparing to wrap burning my hand, "you can leave, Monell is here."

I nodded and he disappeared back around the corner where he would stay unless a customer complained.

I didn't take a second thought to my chance at leaving. I grabbed my things along with any baked good we planned to throw away, and left out the back door. I have one more check left till freedom and I have this newfound sense of light within my body.

I'm still exhausted and I'm still in a constantly shitty mood but for some reason, now, I believe that I will actually be able to leave.

I don't know if anybody understands how hard it is to leave someone you loved for so long. I like to think nobody does but it doesn't bring me any comfort and when i think that somebody does understand, I'm still not comforted. My conclusion is that there is no comfort in this situation. It's just whatever you make it to be.

"You got out early?" Kai's voice spoke from behind me. He sounded breathier than usual almost as if he'd been running.

"Yea-" I turned to see him, a smile instantly covering my face when I saw his. Kai stood there, out of breath, cheeks red as an apple, and a bouquet of small purple and white flowers grasped tightly in his palm.

"It's baby's breath and verbena. They look like you so I got them." He pushed them toward me, excitement dancing in his eyes as he glanced between the bouquet and I.

I chuckled softly, unable to contain my peculiar excitement. The plastic crinkled between my fingers as I held it tightly, my eyes examining each and every petal as if I was trying to get to know them. "They look like me huh?"

He hummed as he leaned over, his floppy hair falling over his face. I tapped his head with the plastic wrapped flowers, "What were you running for?" He chuckled and shrugged as he assumed his previous stance.

"I don't know. I think I was excited to give them to you, so I ran."

My lips curled in as I twisted my body around and away from him. "Normally, I wouldn't be off for another hour so you ran for nothing."

My eyes widened as his arm flung around me and his face rested only an inch or two from mine. I could see each and every nonexistent pore on his face. "Not for nothing. I got in some exercise." He smiled brightly, a light chuckle escaping his lips as he stared at the continued shock on my face.

Through my embarrassment all I could get out was, "Get off. You're sweaty." Shoving his arm from my shoulder and walking ahead without him, the bouquet pulled close to my chest.

"I guess I am. Im sorry. Guess i won't be running anymore before I see you." He laughed as if he didnt take offense to my comment; as if he couldn't. Like Aurua, Kai doesn't have a bad bone in his body.

Even if he did I like to think that it would be for good reason. Like how a superhero has something that can force them to flip whatever switch makes them good. And I think no matter what, id forgive Kai. If he can still smile at me the way he does without knowing a thing about me, the least I can do is understand him in this hypothetical situation.

"How was work." He spoke up, his hands pressed firmly against his cheeks and forcing a duck like look onto his face.

I chuckled softly as I glanced at him, his innocence almost unbelievable. "It was work. How was your day, Kai?"

He hummed for a minute, his steps picking up in pace until he was right next to me. "I don't know. I painted but I do that everyday so it didn't really change how my day was. I ate some garlic fried tofu; that was yummy," he smiled with a bright and closed smile as he softly patted his stomach. "I should make you some. For dinner. Tonight."

"I don't know. I've never-" the realization hit me like a ton of bricks that broke my nose and now a dribble of stupidity was ruining my clothes. "Are you asking me to eat dinner with you?" I searched for rejection in his eyes; misunderstanding.

For some reason the thought of eating dinner with Kai sounded...painful. Not so much as I'd be bored or that it wouldn't be fun but that it would light another candle of hope and i think the one that Kai has already claimed is enough. "Yes. If you don't mind, I want you to eat dinner with me tonight. You know instead of just chauffeuring me around on foot and leaving, you could stay for a bit and eat with me."

As he waited for my answer that was held under my tongue by what felt like a jumble of glued up words, I watched the softness in his eyes disappear and the bright smile turn into one of uncertainty. And based on whatever softness I had left in my heart or whatever marshmallow he turned me into, I built up false courage to speak.

A sigh escaped my throat as I forced as sweet of a smile I could. "You would be lonely without me huh?"

There it is. His smile.

"...of course."

Small and arrogant words that were played off as a joke were nothing but falsities and a mask to hide what I could never say to him and what I will never say to him.

I won't even say it to myself.