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57

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE

6 years ago
October 14th

Lucy's stomach has looked really swollen lately. And after her and my parents got into another argument a couple of weeks ago, she wont speak. At first, I thought this was just another one of their arguments about Lucy's 'behavioral issues' but I don't think that's the case anymore.

Even at night I can hear her crying softly in her room, it's all I hear before I go to sleep every night and I don't know what to do.

"Lucy?" I knocked on her door, the sound echoing through the hallway.

"Go away, Kai. Please."

I was angry with her. I'm never angry at Lucy, I couldn't be because she's perfect but she can't not speak to me. She can't not eat and she can't just disappear when she's still right here. "No! You're supposed to be my sister! You can't not tell me what's wrong Lucy!"

I yelled at Lucy for the first time. And despite my age, my words came out much more childish than I had in mind.

She stayed silent as my chest bounced angrily.

"I can't be your sister anymore, Kai...I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"What does that mean?! What are you talking about Lucy!" My fists pounded against the door as my tears seared across my cheeks.

I'd never been this angry at anybody, not even my father, but she's not making any sense. "Tell me whats wrong! I'll protect you! I'll do whatever you want, just please Lucy!" I choked out as my eyes squeezed shut and my fists began to sting.

I continued on until my heart couldn't take it anymore. Everything I had was with my sister and it felt like she was dangling it in a spot I couldn't reach.

...

October 20th

I unknowingly walked down the stairs, my eyes widening slightly when I saw my mother standing with a tall, white man, dressed in all black, standing at the front door.

"Mama?"

She turned calmly to face me, a stone cold expression covering even her eyes. "Go get Lucile from her room." She spoke firmly, her words chilling.

"But wh—"

"Do you want me to tell papa that you weren't listening?"

My lips pressed together as I glanced between my small mother and the tall man. His eyes cold and unknowingly mysterious. It was like he was holding the secrets of more people than I could count, but there wasn't a hint of trust behind the same look.

I hesitantly turned to head back upstairs. My stomach turned as I thought of what to do, I knew that weren't going to do anything good with Lucy. Maybe if I tell her to go out the window she'll be able to get away.

"Lucy?" I knocked timidly, my hands shaking against the wooden door. "Luce, let me in. I have something really important to tell you."

I let out a harsh breath as I grew impatient, anxiety building up in my stomach. "Lucy?..." I turned the handle, and for the first time since she's been locked in here, it opened.

I pushed the door open slowly, my body suddenly being consumed with a nauseating sense of dread.

And as I turned to look for Lucy, as my unknowing eyes scanned over her bed for her long frame, I didn't know that I'd find her, just not where I thought she'd be.

"L—" my entire body relaxed as I watched my sister, my Lucy, dangle beside her bright yellow wall, her deep red nail polish matching the bright red of her face.

I let out what felt like would be my final breath as my hand reached for her. I walked toward her, her body slowly rocking side to side the same way my body threatened to.

I felt like I was dying, like I was watching my entire world crumble in front of me.

"Lucy? Come down...I have to tell you something." I whispered as I tugged on the bottom of her dress. "Why are your eyes closed? Open them so I can talk to you. So you can see me."

I continued to pull on her dress, the fabric stretching the harder I pulled and the stronger my grip became.

"Lucy, it's Kai. I'm your brother...your..." my vision blurred as I held her cold hand. She felt so stiff. This isn't Lucy. She's just joking like she always does.

"This one isn't funny, Lucy. Come down now." I pleaded as tears rolled slowly down my cheeks.

"Kaito what is taking so—" My mother gasped as I heard her body fall to the ground.

"It's ok. She's playing a prank. She'll be ok once she thinks she's got me...you've got me, Luce."

...

I don't remember much after that. Just her funeral and the paramedics telling me that I couldn't hold her hand anymore.

November 2nd

"Jax." I looked up at the blonde boy in a black tux and a smile on his face as if he wasn't at my sisters funeral. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Because I've got something for you. So cheer up." He chuckled excitedly as he skipped around me.

"My sister is dead. What is there to be excited about?" I stared down at the faded parking stripe, a crumbled up paper blowing beneath my legs as it tumbled through the parking lot.

"You're going to have sex today! With my cousin. She's in college but she said she'd do it because she feels bad for you."

I scoffed as I stood up from the curb. "I'm not having sex with your cousin, Jax. I don't even want to see you right now. Go...go home."

I began to walk off before Jax grabbed me by my arm and flung me backward. I stared up into his eyes, a psychotic look of determination flooding his blue eyes. "Just do it. It feels good and you'll feel better. Lucy would want you to feel better."

My eyes widened at the mention of her name. Nobody else has said her name since she died. "Lucy."

He squinted slightly as he stared into my eyes, examining each one, before he hummed and nodded with a slight smile on his lips. "Lucy would want you to do this, Kai. She would want you to have as much fun as you could while you're still young."

I pressed my lips together as I stared between Jax's eyes. "Are you sure?"

He scoffed lightly as he took a step back. "One hundred percent."