Celestia wants to leave her home and get as far away as possible from her alcoholic mother. When she stumbles into a drunk man and helps him home, what happens when he becomes her way out?
#2 in Smile
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September 8th
It's all ruined. I spent weeks working on those paintings and they're ruined.
If I had taken the ones that are my centerpieces for the show home, it would've been over. What makes it worse is that I'm not even upset because I made them or that I put hours of work and anger and sadness and guilt and all of the fucking feeling in the world into them...I'm upset because her face, her body, her hands, her smile, her spirit...were in each and every one of them.
What we had before we fucked up was in those paintings and now I have nothing left of it.
"Kai."
"What?" I mumbled, unable to look at her.
"I put all the towels under the door so no more water will come in."
"Ok." I replied plainly.
I know I'm being an asshole and I know she's excusing it because she saw all of my work destroyed.
I don't know what to do now. Hadn't we 'fought' and fucked up whatever we had, this wouldn't have been awkward. This would've just been time for us to be together with no reason to be apart.
"What time is it?" I mumbled.
"I don't know. My phone is downstairs. I'll go get it—"
"Don't. You'll get wet again." I glanced up at her, her hair clinging to her face and her clothes clinging to every inch of skin possible. Celestia is undeniably gorgeous and it's not making this easier. Every time I've seen her she's looked nothing but and now that I know what it feels like to be close to her...
I tried not to think about her this entire week unless I was painting. Dick move of me to use her for my work but refuse to talk to her—let alone look at her.
"I haven't changed yet so I'll jus—"
"You'll get sick." I spoke harshly, using her logic against her. Incorrectly of course but she's not going to acknowledge that right now.
She stared down at me, her eyes flickering as she tried to decide whether she was going to listen to me or not. I looked away from her, shutting my eyes to avoid hers.
"I'm sorry." She spoke up, her breath shallow and almost freeing.
My eyes shot open and widened suddenly at her apology.
"I should not have said what I said to you. I...I wasn't going to explain myself but I feel like my apology will be meaningless unless I do and we have got plenty of time so..."
I stared up at her, contrasting my earlier abilities as I was now unable to look away as she prepared herself to speak.
"I didn't mean to discount everything you have done for me, Kai. I know how amazing of a person you are and how great you have been to me but I need you to understand how bad it hurts to know that all of that...greatness started because you wanted to satisfy your own needs. You didn't even tell me that beforehand. You..." her voice faded out as she shut her eyes gently.
I've never seen her look this pained. Not even when we were in the hospital with her mom. Then, she just looked numb but now, she looks like she's reliving something she never wanted to. My heartbeat slowed as guilt and anticipation surrounded it.
"I was never angry at you for acting so nice to me before. I thought, and still do believe, that that is who you are. You are nice, and caring, and sweet, and something most people wouldn't believe could be real but you starting off like that then telling me that you only wanted to have sex with me at first, hurts. It hurt me. So much more than I thought it would've." She smiled lightly at me, her eyes were squinted subtly and still you could see the sweet sparkle they held. "But I shouldn't have made it all about me. I ignored you and I didn't let you speak how I got to. I'm sorry that I made you feel like everything you did and worked toward was useless."
My stomach sank as she approached me, the need to runaway tingling throughout my entire body. She sank to her knees in front of me, her eyes full of sadness. "I hope after you say whatever you need to say to me, we can still be friends and I hope you can forgive me."
Her face was close to mine. So close that I could see the moon in her eyes as if that's where it originated. Her eyes turned down as she smiled softly and sweetly. I couldn't look away. The weakness in my heart swallowing my words.
"I—" I stuttered, my words engulfed in her eyes. "I'm not mad at you." I admitted, my chest flattening as I released my breath.
Her expression switched to shock and relief. "I'm mad at myself. I...lied to you. I'm still lying to you. I wanted to have sex with you but when I saw you something flipped inside of me and now I can't get over the fear I have of even doing something like that to you; of hurting you." My words expressed from my tongue as if they were a confession of guilt I'd been begging to expel.
"I was upset that you discounted my efforts to change for you because I tried my absolute hardest. But it was a dick move to go back just after you decided you didn't know if you could trust me or my intentions anymore. I'm sorry. I accept your apology and I'm sorry." She stared at me, her eyes searching for insincerities in mine as I searched for forgiveness in hers.
I'm just as shocked as she is. I wasn't expecting to be able to say anything at all. I didn't known I was feeling anything really.
"...apology accepted. Thank you." She murmured.
The thunder cracked in the background as we continued to stare at each other like lost animals.
"What now?" I muttered, my mouth going dry.
"I don't know...we become friends again?..."
My heart fluttered as her eyes finally removed themselves from my eyes and trailed down my face.
"Friends?"
Her eyes flashed back up to mine, a light hum escaping her lips. "Friends..."
"Are you ok?" I muttered, my voice going soft.
She nodded slowly. "I don't know what to do."
"About what?" I questioned despite going through the the same dilemma. "We..are friends."
"Friends..." she muttered once more before running her tongue lightly over her lips.
