Smile

22

August 23rd

I can't stop staring at her. I swear I'm going to memorize every inch of her with no mistakes. I can't handle how fucking beautiful she is. Even with tears in her eyes as she screamed through that haunted house she looked perfect. I have never been with someone so perfect. I don't know what to do.

I don't want to scare her.

"Am I scaring you?" I questioned. My voice, once again, coming out pained. I am in pain. I want to kiss her so bad it's making my body hurt.

She shook her head gently, her eyes darting between mine and I could tell she was scared even if she wasn't scared of me. "Don't lie, Moonie. I don't want to scare you."

"You're...not scaring me." She spoke softly, her voice sounded so small it was like listening to a mouse. "You're just really close." She murmured as she slowly released a breath.

"Do you want me to back up?"

"No." She was intent and sure. Much more sure than she was when I asked if I was scaring her. "Do you want to back up?"

I chuckled softly, my eyes smiling into hers. "No. Never."

I've never said anything more cringy in my entire fucking life but I can't help it. It's like I'm being controlled but I have full autonomy at the same time.

My thumb brushed down the bridge of her nose, her eyes fluttering shut as I drew a circle on the tip. "Are you tired?"

She shook her head. "No. Are you?" She spoke softly, her eyes remaining closed.

"No." I replied.

I know I don't have experience in being nice to women, I barely have experience being nice at all, and I feel like all I know how to do is have sex. But I don't want to do that right now. I mean of course, I would love to fuck her but that doesn't even sound right. I feel like I would throw up if I ever spoke like that to her. I might throw up if she found out I talked about other people that way.

I feel disgusting that I even feel like this toward her. I feel like I'd ruin her. I'd ruin her perfect skin and her beautiful eyes, her perfect hair and her perfect lips, I'd ruin her gorgeous smile and her beautiful voice. I'd leave her with nothing.

"Kai?"

I looked down at her eyes, realizing that she had opened them. She looked nervous and still had that fear in her eyes. "Yes, Moonie?" I spoke hesitantly.

"...are you going to kiss me?"

My eyes widened slightly, "what?" I stuttered, the nervousness in her eyes shifting to panic.

I began to panic too as she stepped away. "I don't mean you have to! I just... I didn't know what you were doing, I'm sorry."

My heart pounded in my chest as I thought of what to say but as I stared at her, the tears forming in her eyes as she fidgeted with her long fingers, I couldn't say anything. All I could do was watch.