Smile

25

August 24th

I'm not a sexual person, never have been. I hadn't even ever had a crush on anybody.

But my god do I love this man's lips.

My face scrunched up as I moaned against Kai's lips and his hands dug into my sides. We were only kissing but it felt like his table was going to snap underneath us.

I held his hair between my fingers as he attempted to pull me closer, but how much closer could we get?

His lips were soft and plump, so much softer than you'd think possible. His tongue fit perfectly inside my mouth and glided so smoothly against mine. I have never kissed anybody so I assumed I wouldn't know how but everything about it came so naturally.

His soft moans and the feeling of his quivering and hungry lips against mine made my stomach swim with butterflies. The quiet house and the only sound being our tongues clashing was only more fuel for us to keep going. Theres something so addicting about him. Not just the way he holds me or the way he kisses me or the way he swears like he's begging for me but doesn't have the words to do it, but everything about him.

"Moonie—shit." His grip on my waist tightened as his breathing increased.

"What?" I mumbled, my nails digging further into the back of his neck. "I'm not letting you go again."

He let out a pained chuckle as I listened to his palms squeak against the glass table. "I'm...I have to let you go."

My legs tightened around him, my face scrunching up and my body becoming more hungry for him. I don't want to let him go. If I let him go, it's over.

My hands snaked down his neck and held onto his face, my attempt at pulling him closer only making me feel more starved. "Please—" I whimpered, the sound so strange coming from me. "Don't let me go."

"Oh fuck." His voice was low and pained. Like he was begging himself to pull me closer. "Just—"

He began to pry his lips from mine, my body lifting to go with his and our hungry kisses shifting into desperate pecks. The farther he pulled, the more I lifted up to follow and his hands snaked around my waist, holding me up with him.

I moaned into his mouth as my head shifted to the side. He held me up on his front, his hands grabbing at my butt.

"Moonie." he chuckled, smiling against my lips.

"Stop talking." I mumbled as I cupped his face in my hands.

"I'm going to...put you down." His hands slowly worked their way up my back as he bent over in an attempt to get me to let go.

I released my legs from his hips and let my feet on the floor. His hair shadowed our faces as he tried to remove himself from me.

"Turn around." He mumbled.

"Why?"

"Do it and I promise I'll be back."

He pecked my lips one last time before I reluctantly turned around. "Stay here, please."

I watched from the corner of my eye as he disappeared from the kitchen and up the stairs.

It's only been five or so minutes since he's been gone yet I feel so insatiable. I feel like I'm just now discovering a new drug—something nobody has ever had the experience of tasting. It's like it's causing an imbalance in my life so heavy that the other side is almost invalid but I'm the one tipping the scale because I need it that badly.

"I'm like a teenage boy going through puberty."

I slid down into the chair, the table still foggy from where I was and Kai's handprint still there yet slowly fading. I tried not to stare at it but I couldn't resist and each time I did, my heart skipped a beat.

Thirty minutes and he hasn't come back. The rush has gone away so I don't feel like an addict anymore but I still feel like I need to make sure he's ok.

I walked up the stairs and hesitantly down the hallway and toward his room.

As I stood in front of his door, I thought about how I should approach it. I can't just barge in without knowing if something is wrong but knocking feels awkward. What if he thinks I'm being desperate?

Ease dropping doesn't sound like a great option either but maybe if I just hear him at least breathing then I can come to the conclusion that he's ok.

My heart sped up as I pushed aside the thoughts of me being a terrible person and pressed my ear against the door.

It's silent. It's so quiet it sounds like he's not even in there. "Ka-"

"Oh fuck—"

My eyes widened as I listened. His breathing suddenly getting heavy enough for me to hear it through the door. It was light but it sounded like he was moaning and it was much louder than when we are kissing.

I'm not an idiot. I'm not sexually experienced but I'm not oblivious.

I slowly stepped away from the door, careful not to make any of the floorboards creek. As I slowly walked toward my room, I put the dots together.

"No. You're too...hot. My dick hurts so bad."

I laughed as I thought about everything he said last night. How did I not realize it then? Maybe I am a bit oblivious.