Little Maxie

Chapter 25

The movie that was playing on the television was colourful and had nice music, but Max wasn't very interested in it. Instead, he leaned against Brad, trying to decide if he should let himself fall deeper in headspace or not. He started to fidget a little, never able to really sit still when he wasn't racing or in the sim.

Turning a little, he pressed his head in Bradley's shoulder, turning his face away from the television and looking in the room. It was about the same layout as his own had been, so it seemed familiar enough. Once again, he felt the tell-tale fuzziness of his mind wanting to go in a younger headspace, but like always he resisted, even though the soft touches of the caregiver stroking his back was making him feel better than usual about being little.

But he knew that if he let himself slip too far, the bad feelings he was keeping in would come out. And he was feeling very bad inside, his heart was hurting, and he could feel the burning in his eyes of tears he was refusing to fall, clinging to his dignity with all his might.

Once he would let himself fall, he knew that Bradley would dislike him. No one wanted to deal with a baby who couldn't even use words, who started to bawl because someone took his stuffy away.

But thinking about his bunny made his sadness increase, and the fuzziness grew larger. Trying to shake it off, Maxie's headache increased, and he let out an involuntary whimper.

"You okay?" Bradley asked, looking down at Maxie with concern. The little looked up from where he was lying, his eyes wide and startled, the tip from bunny's ear still in his mouth.

"Maxie okay," he answered softly, knowing that it was a lie, but he was being enough of a burden as it was. And it wasn't as if Bradley could help him. He saw the trainer give him an unfamiliar look, but he didn't call Max out on his lie, which did relief him a little.

Somehow, he was afraid of making Bradley angry at him. Normally, headspaces were okay, but he always spent them on his own, playing with his cars of bunny and not scared that someone would start shouting at him or take his toys away. With his dad, he knew he couldn't be little, but Bradley had told him it was best to be little.

And then the man had stayed with him!

The unfamiliar territory was making Max nervous, and he was quite sure that it was only a matter of time before he did something that would fuck this situation up.

Bradley noticed the increased breathing rhythm of the little on his lap, the nervous twitching of his fingers and the way his chewing increased, all signalling that he wasn't feeling comfortable. Bradley made sure to stay calm, not wanting to add to the agitation that Max was feeling.

"Just try to relax. I'm here to help you," Bradley said softly, keeping his gaze gentle, and he saw Max look back up at him, before nodding, curling back up against his chest, the ear going back in his mouth.

They sat there for a few moments more until a sudden knock on the door broke their formed silence. Max startled badly, immediately sitting up and staring wide-eyed at the door, his breath hitching in fear.

"Daddy?" Max asked, his voice high pitched, and his muscles tense and taut, as if he expected Jos to barge him and to drag him of Brad's lap. Maxie remembered once again that he wasn't supposed to be little if anyone could see.

"No, not daddy," Bradley said, trying to keep his voice soothing even though the fear broke his heart. He shifted Max a little, making the man focus on him instead of the door, and then lifted him, "here wrap your legs around me. That's easier,"

Max clenched his legs around Brad's hips, feeling fear overwhelm him when they approached the door. Unable to control himself, he whimpered and buried his face in Brad's shoulder, his fingers digging in the fabric of his shirt while he tried to hide away from the world.