Not To Plan

chapter 20

Me and derek have been in my bed all night. He's ontop of me. My nails are digging into his arms as he thrusts into me slowly.

He's kissing my neck. I close my eyes. It's starting to hurt. I'm really sore down there.

I touch his hand softly. He entwines our fingers. I squeeze my eyes tighter shut, trying to ignore the soreness.

"Derek.. der" I say quietly. He stops, looking at me. "I'm sore.. can we please stop?" I whisper. "Oh my god baby, I'm so sorry" he kisses me softly. He pulls out of me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know" he kisses me again. I sit up slowly, leaning back against the headboard. I can't help it. I start crying.

"Was I hurting you that bad?" He hugs me. "No" I shake my head. "I was just scared that you'd yell at me" I hug him back, pushing my face into his shoulder.

"Meredith, I've told you before that if you want me to stop to tell me and I will.. I'd never shout at you for that" he says. "I'm sorry" tears stream down my cheeks.

"Thanks" I wipe my tears. "What the fuck.. don't thank me for that.. its literally just basic respect" he says. "I'm sorry" I sniffle.

"Stop apologising.. are you okay?" He pulls away. "Yeah, I'm fine.. it was just getting uncomfortable" I say. "You sure?" He asks. I nod.

"Did he used to yell at you when you told him to stop?" He asks. "He'd just keep going until I gathered the strength to push him off of me" I say quietly. He sighs.

"Piece of shit" he says. "I'm okay anyway.. I'm sorry, I know you're not like that.. I just sometimes forget that" I sigh. "I know, it's okay" he puts his hand on my cheek. I kiss him softly.

"You sure you're okay?" He asks. "Yeah" I smile. He kisses me again. I hug him. "Why was it hurting? It's not the condoms, is it? The gel on them?" He asks.

"No, I think it's just cause we've been at it for a while" I chuckle softly. "Sorry, I should've given you a break" he says. "Its okay" I giggle.

"Can I do anything? Is your back hurting? Do you want me to run you a bath? I can give you a massage?" He runs his fingers through my hair. I giggle, looking at him.

"What?" He asks. "You're sweet" I say. He smiles small. "Come here" he says. I climb between his legs, my back against his chest.

He rubs his hands up and down my back. He massages me for about twenty minutes.

"You have a great talent with your hands" I grin, closing my eyes. "I have many great talents with my hands" he says. I giggle. He kisses my neck softly.

"How do you feel?" He puts his hands on my belly. "I'm amazing" I lay back onto him. "Good" he hugs me from behind. I smile. He kisses my cheek. We cuddle into eachother.