Not To Plan

chapter 38

Derek's pov:
Meredith hasn't really spoken to me since yesterday, when James left. I walk into our room. She's in bed, cuddling with violet.

She won't look at me. "My love, will you talk to me please?" I sit next to her.

I gently take the baby out of her arms and put her in the cot. I sit back down.

"Come on, talk please" I whisper, resting my forehead against hers. I put my hand on her cheek. She takes a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry" she starts crying. "What?" I pull away to look at her. "I'm sorry" tears run down her cheeks. "For what?" I ask.

"I'm still such a mess.. I have an abusive ex boyfriend who won't stop showing up, I literally fall into pieces everytime he does and you're the one who has to clean everything up after" she says.

"That is not your fault, baby.. and you're my girl, okay? Of course I'm here to help clean up the messes" I say. "You don't have to" she says. "I want to.. I'm always gonna be here for you" I say.

"I just feel like such a burden to you" she says tearfully. "Mer-" I say. "Derek, if I ever get too much for you and you wanna break up with me.. don't be scared to, I'd never take violet away from you, your her daddy.. don't stay just for her" she says.

"Woah, meredith no.. I love you more than anything in the world.. I don't want to-" I say shocked. "I know you don't now, but I'm just saying.. you should know that" she says.

"I don't need to know it, because we're never breaking up, I'm marrying you" I say. She smiles small. I wipe her tears.

"I love you so much" she hugs me. "I love you so so much" I squeeze her. I kiss her. She puts her hands on my neck, deepening our kiss.

"Do you wanna make love to me?" She whispers against my lips, gently tugging on my shirt. "Always" I help her pull it off. I run my hand up my shirt that she has on. I kiss her again.

I climb ontop of her. "Take this off, gorgeous" I whisper, tugging on the shirt gently. She pulls it off and tosses it aside. She reaches down and undoes my trousers.

She pulls them down. I kick them and my boxers off. They fall off of the edge of the bed.

She keeps kissing me, running her fingers through my hair and grinding her body against mine slowly.

"Oh" she moans quietly and I groan against her shoulder as I slide into her. I thrust in and out of her slowly. Her back arches under me.

I look into her eyes. She looks like she keeps wanting to speak or moan or something, but nothing will come out. I keep the same pace, knowing that it's giving her pleasure.

"Are you okay?" I whisper. "Don't stop, okay?" She tears up. Shit. The only other time she's cried during sex was after an argument we had. She's sad. Really sad. Seeing James yesterday really shook her up.

"Just let it out baby, let it all out" I whisper, speeding up my movements. She let's out a deep moan and her body shakes slightly underneath me. Her nails dig into my back.

She bursts out into tears as she cums, her walls clamping around me. She pushes her face into my shoulder and moans quietly into it. I stop moving. She pants out of breath.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" she cries as I pull out of her. "Its okay sweetheart, you're okay" I sit up and pull her into my arms.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-" she wipes her tears. "I know baby" I squeeze her. "I'm so embarrassed, I'm sorry" she pulls away. "Don't be embarrassed.. and don't be sorry" I pull her into my arms again. She sighs.

She pulls away and lays down, turning over so she's not facing me. I hug her from behind.

The baby starts crying. Meredith cries harder. Oh god. "I've got her" I get out of bed and pull on my pyjama bottoms. I pick up the baby.

"I'm gonna take her on a walk, go to sleep mer" I say. She cuddles into my pillow and closes her eyes. I leave the room.