Memory of Devotion- Book 2

5

CHAPTER FIVE || THE FIRST TIME

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Alex Apologised to Sam again despite him telling her not to worry about it, the guilt still plagued her mind. the fear of not being in control of your own mind was terrifying, the world really knew how to drain the life from a kind-hearted person. she could barely remember who she was before.

Sighing she felt the gun tucked into her waistband, feeling the need to carry her daggers with her now it was a possibility people could be turning into walkers, it was suddenly back to sleeping with one eye open. she needed to be able to protect herself, and her family. Heading back to her Cell she heard Heavy breathing coming from inside her cell making her raise a brow.

"Glenn" She questioned turning the corner to see him perched on the side of the bed his head in his hands panting, upon hearing her enter he stuck his hand out almost warning her to stay back, yet she didn't she took a few steps toward him concern filling her chest.

"d- don't- don't come in." he panted his voice stuffy, as his head remained in one of his hands Alex felt an overwhelming surge of anxiety.

"Are you okay?" she asked taking a step closer to him, ignoring his warnings. She knew. She could tell by his voice. but she didn't want to believe it. Glenn turned, lifting his head from his hand and turning to look at Alex, his skin layered with sweat, all the colour drained from his face leaving his olive skin a pale grey, the bags under his eyes accentuated by the sickness. Her Blood ran cold as she caught sight of him, He didn't look sick when she'd last seen him... Her heart raced as she thought back to what michonne had said. it developed too quickly...

"Alex don't come near me" he coughed, but she didn't listen. he was sick. he needed her. Rushing to his side, Alex sat on the bed beside him, her throat tightening as she brushed his hair from his forehead examining his pale face, she cupped his cheeks.

"oh, Glenn..." her voice trembled her words were barely audible as she gently placed the back of her hand against his forehead, immediately recognising the high fever as he weakly tried to stop her by moving her hand yet she only shook her head.

"you can't- I can't be near you" his voice was weak as his eyes stared into hers, she shook her head, her hand trailing from his cheek to the back of his neck, her fingers gliding through the shorter hairs on the back of his head as she tried to compose herself... 

"I've already been exposed, baby. I'm going to get Hershel... you're going to be okay" She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself or him, but he had to be okay. he couldn't be, she couldn't even begin to fathom what michonne said. it can't just kill him. the thought of losing him made her heart ache with pain, the butterflies he normally ignited in her stomach replaced with bees stinging her heart... 

**

Alex sat on the stairs outside the Cellblock that lead to the courtyard, this is what she was so afraid of. this was what she feared opening up to people, especially Glenn. tears pooled in her eyes as she thought back to Eli. She couldn't do this. Not again. being afraid, maybe that was what kept her alive. Kept her sane. She tried to be grateful she survived... but how was she supposed to be grateful for this? She was surrounded by daggers of grief and dodging bullets of memories. 

She picked at the skin around her fingertips as her chest constricted, losing Glenn, Losing Eli, Lori. She couldn't do it. she knew she wasn't strong enough to deal with that. She knew that would kill her, everyone has a breaking point and she was millimetres away from hers.