Memory of Devotion- Book 2

10

CHAPTER TEN || ALONE

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this is who we are as solider, A product of war. that means bringing home the pain and grief that haunts us. Alex washed the blood from her face in a creek the pair had come across on their search for Glenn and any other survivors from the prison... Yet the conversation between Sam and Alex had begun to diminish. Alex was too focused on her own thoughts, and pushing away the triggers of her PTSD and survivor's guilt.

Two days. it had been two days since Alex took 4 lives. it had been 6 days since the prison fell. And with each passing second Alex felt herself slipping away. It was just like Eli... Yet she had Sam. but that did make a difference when she didn't know if the people she loved were alive, or when the days all merged together and she lost track of time completely.

Sam sat off to the side counting the Ammo he had left since they'd used some getting caught in a small herd of walkers a few hours prior. Alex sighed as the cold water ran down her face, she wished it could wash away the emptiness in her soul but it couldn't. nothing could aside from the only person who seemed to be able to ease and distract her from the pain. 

"Alex, We should keep moving.." Sam stated from his seated position at the edge of the creek as he loaded the bullets back into his gun, his eyes carefully examining the girl's body language and his father's words repeating in his mind as he tried to remember everything his father had told him about his PTSD to see if there was anything he could do to help.

"mhm" She nodded letting her hands fall into the water, The cold water calming her slightly as it washed over her hands... In her mind, it washed the blood of lives off her hands. deaths that she'd convinced herself were her fault, Eli's Lori's.

Getting up, she secured her backpack on her shoulder a dull pain lingering in the bottom of her back making her grimace slightly, which didn't go unnoticed by her concerned friend. she couldn't seem to understand why anyone cared about her... the same pained thought consumed her mind, what had she done to deserve being alive. but maybe this was worse than death. 

"you alright?" Sam asked, He'd tried speaking to Alex since the incident. yet he could barely get more than a few words from the brunette. She couldn't control her own mind, and that was worse than anything she'd ever experienced. 

"yeah," She answered bluntly, her mind racing. How could Sam possibly feel safe with her... She almost shot him... she pointed her gun at him, she thought he was the governor how did he forgive her for that? She was a killer. Alex shook her head trying to rid her mind of the thoughts that plagued her as she rubbed her back, the dull pain sending small shooting pains up her back, pains she hadn't felt in a long time. 

"nah Alex what's wrong?" Sam questioned not Falling for her lies. Sam got up, His bag secured on his back, His brown hair flat to his head as a concerned expression laid upon his freckled face, he didn't want to pry but if she'd hurt herself, he needed to know, he wanted to help.

"Nothing Sam. just sleeping on the floor. let's just keep moving" She brushed off his concern straightening her back, Sam shook his head not believing her words yet he didn't want to pry any further and make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. he sighed running a hand over his face before pinching the bridge of his nose.

**

The pair walked, For what felt like hours, knives plunging into walkers skulls the whole way, The pain in Alex's back hadn't eased, She almost felt as if it had gotten worse. Yet she didn't dare believe it, She knew the complications of her Injury and she knew without Eli if it got any worse she wouldn't be able to carry on. Each step proved more painful than the last as the pair walked in silence, Sam's mind focused on the Girl he considered one of his closest friends.