His Worth | MxM

² three

"What are you reading?"

I show Nate the book Clare gave me, seeing him look down at it in amusement. When I look back at the notes I couldn't help but sigh.

"His notes are amazing, huh?"

"His?"

I glance at Nate, seeing him look surprised by me saying that. I nod and saw him chuckle as he clearly didn't care that it was from a guy.

"Yeah, he gave me these notes after that horrible party I went to. He was there and was leaving around the same time as me. Just like me, he didn't come for that nonsense." I tell him, causing Nate to shake his head in disbelief again.

When I told him about what happened at the party, he immediately wanted to drive back there and say something. That...wouldn't be for the best for the both of us - at all. It was okay...I was okay.

I was able to get out of there and not to mention, I made a friend out of it.

I think?

Just because Clare gave me his philosophy notes doesn't mean we're friends. I wouldn't mind saying we were, but at the same time...?

I'm not really good at trying to make friends.

I don't trust people easily and usually think the worst of someone immediately. I even thought something bad of Nate when I first met him.

Even with Clare...I thought he was going to try and roofy me.

"People are really good at finding the victims and trying to victimize them again. How dare they try that with you? They're not in prison, but in college even! There were many people there and the fact that it passed through peoples minds to try something like that?" Nate still was baffled by it all.

It was only two days ago, but still.

I'm just trying to let it go and not think about it.

"I don't think they were going to corner me and try something. Because at the prison, they didn't give me a way out. I was stuck and I really had...no choice. There, I could tell that there was a way out. They weren't...going to make me do anything, but they hoped probably that they could persuade me to do something."

"Well thank goodness you didn't and wouldn't." Nate sat across from me, shaking his head in disapproval. "Rue is only getting bigger...isn't that amazing?"

I nod, closing the notebook as I smile at the thought of her.

"She was so small before. She's still small now, but it's so weird to think that she'll be as big as us one day. I wonder if this is how parents feel." I found myself saying, seeing Nate nod. "I wonder...if my parents thought that at all."

When I say that, Nate's understanding expression turned calm. He looked at me solemnly and I already knew that he was...partially pitying me.

I didn't want pity, but I did wonder.

When I was born, didn't they wonder how I would turn out? Didn't they wonder who I would become and if I would truly need them? Or were they so wrapped up in their own lives that my life...my future, wasn't even a forethought?

"It's crazy," I breathe, looking down at the notebook again, "because I always wonder what were our parents thinking? What compels you to abandon your children like that? I couldn't imagine...abandoning Rue or just up and leaving. I always want to see her, hear her...smell her even!"

Nate smiles at the last part, a smile growing to my lips too... Until I feel it crack.

"The thought of possibly never seeing her again breaks my heart. It makes me want to cry...and I almost get this nauseating feeling. So how could my parents not only abandon my brother who was a little kid, but me? I was only a baby...I don't remember them at all." I close my eyes as I try to remember one thing.