His Worth | MxM

² four

Nate and I sat next to each other silently, my eyes kept on glancing at Rue who happened to be awake.

I already know that he's really mad at me. This morning he barely spoke to me unless it was about Rue. Now that it's coming to the time where we...meet my brother's kids, he's still silent.

Not that I've tried to break the ice either. I feel like I don't have the right to. He deserves every right to be mad at me, because this isn't fair. It's not fair to me either, but I made it even more unfair for him.

"His kids," Nate actually starts, and I look at him quickly, "how old are they again? I don't think you ever told me."

"I didn't...sorry. I actually don't remember if he told me or not, I know he said Micah Jr. was the oldest and Cassius was second. So...I'm not really sure." I inform him, still seeing Nate looking forward.

I tighten my lips together nervously, looking away from him once again.

"You...are letting him take control over your life again."

"How? His kids can't help who their father was-."

"You're not getting it, are you?" Nate interrupts me sharply, looking me in the eyes with much animosity and disappointment. "I absolutely hate and despise Micah, he's scum of the earth. You won't cut ties with him because he's the only part of family you have, which is not true. We are your family too.

"You letting him have you take in his kids despite your life? That...that is still control, he's still impeding on your life. He is still throwing you off of what you are trying to do. Why let someone like that...ruin everything you have going for you? Why let him throw you off entirely? And because what? He's 'the only family you have left'? Bullshit."

I look forward, trying to keep myself from getting upset. What he's saying is true, but he isn't...understanding my point of view.

I know what Micah did to me, I was the one who suffered the brunt of it all. If I choose to forgive him, which I haven't...that is on me. Maybe it is best I cut ties with him, but I just...can't.

I'd be just like our no good parents if I did that. Just because he wanted to abandon me in that prison doesn't mean I have to do the same.

"And I'm not blaming his kids, his kids didn't ask for this. This is probably traumatizing and uncomfortable for them, I get that. Except he is still not thinking about how you may feel, you're always on the back burner. Everyone else comes before you, his flesh and blood! Shouldn't that tell you enough?" Nate actually looks in my eyes now.

I couldn't say anything because I already know it's true. He already knows I know it's true.

But...so what?

I can't focus on that for too long or I'll become someone else. I'll become that same person I was when I first went into that jail. I can't go back to that...

That depression and self regret...self-hatred for myself. I just can't focus on that.

"Nate please." I just lean towards Rue as I press a kiss to her cheek.

She relaxes me so just being close to her soothed that...that stress that began to build up and bad feelings. When I look back at Nate though, he just looked so angry.

"Worth...you're fucking up," He shook his head, and I sat back in defeat, "you are fucking your life again up for some-!"

He stops mid-sentence as the doorbell goes off.

I already saw the silhouettes of one adult, but I saw no kids. I look at Nate warily, getting up as I rush to the door and open it.

Looking down at a woman, she smiled up at me while glancing down at her clipboard, "You're Malakai-?"