His Worth | MxM

² thirty

Nate .

"You want to talk to me?"

I look at Worth, seeing him still look exhausted from whatever conversation he had with Micah. I didn't ask how it went...I don't care anymore.

"Yeah, I do; so sit down."

"Oh?" Worth instantly looked shocked by my last three words, but he did end up walking over to the couch.

We sat down, but I sat across from him. I could tell that put him off as he began to look at me warily. His nerves were now all over his face and he no longer looked tired. I debated on if I should say anything, I questioned myself thousands of times today.

But I can't do that anymore.

"What...what's the matter?" He speaks first, trying to sit up straight and hide his nerves from me. It was obvious he wanted to come off strong at the moment, but I could see his weaknesses.

There was nothing wrong with weakness, but with him...he's only continued to grow more weaknesses that harm himself and...me.

"I have tried to help you, and I have helped you in as many ways as I can. Except for you, it seems drama and issues follow you wherever you go. At the same time, it's like you seek them too. I tried to help you, I tried to give you advice, and I tried to care for you. And in the process of me trying to help you find yourself, I lost myself entirely. I've become...this pathetic shell of a person who only lives to please Worth, Malakai, M-N-M. You are...not who I fell in love with, and yet; the person I fell in love seems to not even have been the real you. Right?" I question him, seeing that his eyes were wide on mine.

I wait for him to speak, but he just looked at a loss for words. He sat back against the couch and I saw his eyes flicker from me and to his hands. To all over the place, and I saw him swallow a lump in his throat.

"You're giving up on me, aren't you?"

I don't say anything, seeing him look away.

"I never gave up on you-."

"I asked for a chance, for you to depend on me, to-."

"I can't trust you!" I shout over him, seeing him look up at me with narrowed eyes. I was now standing as I force myself back onto the couch, becoming more angry by the second. "I tried to 'depend' on you, but you ended up depending on me. You couldn't even depend on yourself, you were falling for traps, being manipulated, used, all the shit you said you'd get rid of! You only just got rid of it, why? Because you depended on me to help you through! I gave you chance after chance after chance! Yet you were rude, defensive, and doing the same stupid shit you always did. I wanted to help you get away from the people who were harming your growth, and yet it was like you didn't understand that. Like I was the issue, like I didn't understand, that I would never understand; and I never will! But I tried helping you, and look where it's gotten me?

"Being some pathetic shell of my former self. And it's all because I wanted you happy, but not once did you think about me and what makes me happy. You only could do that when I mentioned something for me. You have always...been worried about yourself, but never about me. And I began to forget myself just to help you succeed, but what about me!" I glare at him, seeing that he had nothing to say. "Wow, you're silent for once. You're not gonna try to fight back? You want to just sit there, like a fucking idiot!"

I found myself getting more and more angry, shaking my head.

"I can't believe I lived like this. My life was never meant to be this. Dealing with this case, not following my dreams, becoming a stay at home parent to my child and two kids that aren'y even my own! What the fuck am I doing right now Worth?! This isn't what I asked for, this isn't worth it! This wasn't worth it! All the fucking tribulations and nonsense I've had to go through with you! This was not worth it! If I knew this is what my life would be: a mess, not even myself, paranoid about your crazy family, and trials - I-."

"I get it."

I look at him more clearly, seeing how eerily calm he was. He got up from the couch and looked down at me.

"I'm a mess up, a screw up. I haven't kept my word, and I've made your perfect, pristine life complicated. I ruined your life, and I have kept you from your dreams. I'm drama, drama, drama, yeah. Even though I went in today to see Micah and-."

"You what?" I sneer harshly, standing up as I glare at him."You forgave him once again so that he could manipulate your fragile mind again?"

"No." Worth looks away, shaking his head. "I was going to tell you tonight that Micah is no longer testifying against me and is with me, my mom is out of the case and your dad told me she was arrested, my lawyer ultimately knows that the case is mine because of the recordings I have on Michael. All of that, will be handled, in three days. That's why we left so late, and you clearly had enough."

"I did, and I have." I fold my arms, trying not to retract anything I have said. "I meant...everything I have said to you."

"Wanna break up?"

I flinch, seeing Worth look at me calmly. I felt like time had frozen and I could barely focus on reality. I almost wondered if I had heard him right.

"What-?"

"We come from two different lives. It's obvious that this was never going to work. No matter what I do, I will always somehow disappoint you. I'm a mess, my family is a mess, and I'm making you a mess. You deserve better, I'm not worthy of calling you mine. So, if you want to. break up with me, I'd understand. You can keep Rue and find some other person who better suits your life and had your upbringing. I'll take Micah's kids, buy myself a house, and you won't have to deal with my shit anymore. I get it...I'm not worth anything. Someone always regrets helping me, saying it wasn't worth it. Maybe that's why you chose that name for me." He chuckles, and I saw all of his spirit drain from his eyes. "Because you knew that's all the worth I'd be given, my name."

"Worth-."

"Stop calling me that." He interrupts me. "I don't want you calling me that."

We now just stood there, neither of us saying anything. My hands balled into fists because I wasn't expecting that at all from him...yet I also did.

"I just want...a break."

"Break up-?"

"Break! I want a break away from you to find myself again and maybe you, by yourself, can truly figure out what's most important to you. All of the shit you're dealing with right now," I walk around the table, standing before him, "or your family, me...yourself. I want to be away from you...until this trial is over, and I know it'll be longer than - you might even get a retrial with all the shit you, Micah, your mom, and Michael have done. You've met, and that's against trial proceedings, so...I'll say something; but that's the last from me for a while. Because I want...a break."

Worth says nothing, stepping back from me as he nods.

He didn't...try to fight against my words. Accepting them...already backing away.

"I'll pack some things. I'll bring the kids-."

"I don't mind if they stay."

"Fine. I'll just leave then, just like what everyone wants."

"If that's...what you want to think, go ahead."

Worth's eyes narrowed on me, but he soon scoffs as he looks away. I could see...the pain in his smile and within his eyes. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this...

"I will."

_______________🙃

- yolo