His Worth | MxM

² fourteen

Nate .

"You didn't go today."

I sat in the living room, holding Rue as Cassius and Junior sat on each side of me. They looked at me in confusion to still being here too.

Except my own stress now was holding me back.

I couldn't go to that.

I was seeing it on TV, but even that was too much. I just want it all over for his sake. Because now I'm overthinking everything for him while he is being as confusing as ever.

Or maybe I'm just overly confused because of everything that has been going on.

My mom, dad, and his lawyer are present with him, so I don't really have any concerns. Sometimes I just wish I could read his mind because he doesn't really share anything with me.

Even when I do ask, it feels like I'm not really asking the right things still. At the same time though, what can I ask him?

I can ask him the same stuff that we have been arguing about and struggling over for forever. I just don't think it'll make any difference in the first place.

A psychologist could do...or we could just sit down and talk it out like adults. At the same time, it's become kind of nerve racking and a little scary.

To have these talks with him.

I don't want to push him anymore than he's already been pushed and hurt him even more. Not that I don't think he can handle it but...

I don't want to overwhelm him, and my dreams are making it worse. It makes me feel like I've already overwhelmed him when we have barely even spoken. It has me feeling bad for saying things that I hadn't even said.

That's how strong those dreams are. I've had continuous ones because they feel like nightmares, so I keep waking up. When I fall back asleep, I get another one that is worse than the lost.

The one where he got shot though...and wanted to die, that was the worst one yet. I just don't want to take him.

I don't want him to wish to die because of all of this stupid shit.

"I didn't, I couldn't." I finally respond back to Junior.

I saw him now watching the TV, so when I responded randomly he looked at me oddly. "I said that that a million seconds ago."

"Sorry." I apologize quickly, and he frowns. "He should be fine though. Malakai is amazing at a lot of things. I have faith in him."

I saw Junior not seem to believe me as he continued to stare at me. Cassius now points at me with complete judgement in his eyes.

"You just lied, and I hate liars."

"How did I lie? Malakai is amazing at a lot of-."

"Not that. You said you have faith, but I do not believe you." He sticks his nose up at me and I sigh.

I sit back against the couch almost in defeat, seeing him look back down at me. He almost seemed to wait for me to say something in particular. Except the longer we stared, the more annoyed he was clearly getting.

"Why aren't you saying anything?!" He whines abruptly and I look quickly down at Rue to make sure she didn't wake up. "Malakai is your husband! You see he is sad!"

"I know, but I don't know how to approach it anymore. What do you know?" I accidentally say, groaning as I look down. "You're just a kid."

"Just talk to him honestly."

I look back up, seeing Junior looking back at me now. He looked very serious and I sometimes forget...that they had to mature a little bit faster than most kids their age.

Especially with everything they have gone through.

"It...it's not that simple."

"Why?"

I just look at them, and they looked at me. I could tell they wouldn't buy anything I gave them. It also...wouldn't be helpful for me to say all that I could to them anyway.

I get it...they're just trying to help.

"Nate, why-?"

"Okay, I'll talk to him." I interrupted, seeing them both instantly get excited.

Even though they were excited...I was still stressed.

________________🫠

my life and school is so busy.

it is very hard to write long chapters now.

or just in general.

hah...

- yolo🥢