His Worth | MxM

² seventeen

Worth.

"What did you...want to say to me?" Micah speaks first after us sitting in silence for ten minutes. 

I got us a private room because I don't know...how he'll handle this. Just in case, I don't want him getting charged with anything else for this.

"So..."

"I can probably guess what it is."

I look back at him, seeing the look of acceptance and...sadness on his face. Except he continued to grin at me, so...could I...?

"You probably could."

"Then just say it." Micah insists quickly.

So he does...

"I can't keep doing this with you Micah." I tell him honestly, and I saw the way his eyes widened... I guess he didn't know. "I...was too close to questioning my own life. I contemplated death, I contemplated giving up, and I was so close to just being done with it all. Me...being in the presence of whatever our family is, is too much for me. I need to separate myself from everyone in this family, including you."

Micah looked like he didn't know what to say to that. He just continued to remain silent as he sat in his chair. I saw his hands ball up and I could tell he wanted to say something.

"I got this room so that you can do what you need to do," I speak up, seeing him look back at me in confusion, "If you want to fight me-."

"No, I don't." He interrupts me quickly, and he looked at me like I was crazy for even suggesting that. "I...don't want to fight you."

"I'm surprised."

I saw him look away again, his lips tightening together.

I was honestly surprised by his calmness. I honestly expected him to react more, to be so angry. To be pissed at me and try to fight against my decision. Except he was quiet...with nothing to say.

"You...deserve better." He finally speaks.

My eyes widen on him now, and I saw him practically shield his eyes from me. He looked down at the table as his foot began to tap on the floor anxiously.

"I wasn't a good older model to you. I wasn't a good brother, I wasn't good to you, ever. Even when I had my chances to be good to you, I fucked it up. I saved your life, then I fucked it all up by saying you owed me. Me saying that to you...did this. I was so detached and didn't want to get close to you because I thought you would disappear from my life, like our parents did. Except I was enacting my fear upon you. Disappearing...screwing you ofer, failing you, scaring you, making you feel like how I felt all the time. Like pure shit." Micah sat back in his chair, and he no longer shirked his eyes.

I saw his eyes were watery, and I didn't say anything. I wasn't expecting that at all...it actually startled me entirely.

"I bullied you, and then said what I was doing was my own form of love. I wasn't loving, I was...taking out my anger on you. When I should've been doing it right from day one and just accept it as it was. That it's only the two of us, and you're all I have. That I loved you, that I cared for you, yet...I hated you because I believed you'd just disappear too-."

"You had me disappear into prison-."

"I did, but at least I knew you couldn't disappear from here. I trapped you here...because I knew you couldn't and wouldn't be anywhere else. That comforted me...knowing, I always knew where you were. It comforted me, that someone loved me enough to take my faults. I was lying to myself and saying I was comfortable on you doing all of this for me. When I was just...pathetic and afraid. I should've just...talked to you." Micah breathed, and I saw the panic in his eyes.

I don't say anything still because I was hearing him actually speak to me for once. He was actually speaking what he's truly feeling and what's truly on his mind.

He's...never really done that before.

"My reasons for doing what I did to you will never make up for shit. I was shit, I was a shit brother to you. I'm full of shit. I am shit. I don't deserve to call you my brother." Micah stood up from the chair, and I look up at him.

I saw him holding back his tears. He looked at the clock and inhaled sharply.

"I...know you're basically disappearing from my life, and I get it. I at least know that in you disappearing, you have done much better than all of us. You're successful!" Micah walked around the table and grabbed my arms.

He pulled me up from the chair, and looked at me. I looked at him silently because I didn't know what to say to him. Until his lips tighten together, surprising me with what he does.

His hands pulling me into an embrace. He hugged me to him as I stood there stiff, completely shocked.

I had...never felt him hug me like this before. He's hugged me, but...not with so much emotion that I could feel.

I felt him hold me to him, and my own arms went around him. I hugged him back...that part of me that always wanted a true hug from him was quenched.

My head settled against his, hugging him close. I wasn't expecting...myself to actually enjoy this.

"You don't...have to bring my kids here either." He says quietly, and I pull back to look at him. "They don't care for me, and that's my doing-."

"No." I interrupt him, and he nods again. "I won't keep them from their-."

"I want you to Malakai. I'm not a good influence, and they don't care for me anyway. I never formed that bond with them. I'm the issue-."

"You...have two sons. They both won't have their parents just like us-."

"But what do they have that we never did?"

I look at him, seeing him grin up at me. My lips tighten together because I already knew what he was implying.

"But..."

"They have grownups there for them, that love them. I...I'm not abandoning them, I'm just...not what they deserve. Like how I don't deserve to call you my brother. And I'm sorry that I never...did right by you." Micah pulled away from me, and before I could say anything else, he was rushing towards the door.

I was about to rush after him until I saw the way he was trying to hurry out. His expression and the way he was moving...told me he was trying not to cry still.

He opened the door and insisted for the guard to cuff him already. Even though I stood here, I wanted to speak more...but I could tell he...wanted to make this easier for himself.

He was doing it again.

"Don't..." I finally speak, and I saw both him and the guard look at me. "Don't hold back what you truly feel again. Just be honest with me, right now."

I open my arms to him, grinning solemnly to him.

"You can tell me. There's nothing wrong with saying how you truly feel. It's not weak to cry...it's not weak to show emotion. It's just...a part of living." I drop my arms to my sides now when I saw tears slip from his eyes.

I felt my lips tighten together at that sight, and it hurt. This hurt more than I thought it would, but it had to...happen.

"I never truly lived before, so it's hard."

"I know."

"But I do...I do love you Malakai and I am truly sorry."

"I love you too, and I forgive you." I finally tell him.

I see him look away, because I knew that was all he could take.

"I don't forgive myself."

With those final words to me, he walked away.

...again.

__________________🫠

there you go.

he removed all the things 'bad' in his life.

in Micah's case...

can you empathize/sympathize?

- yolo 🫶