wipe the blood off your face (it may stain)

I Wanna Be Loved

Tommy was exhausted.

And he knew that was nothing new, that everyone within the three hotel rooms were tired, but this was a new level.

He had kept a relatively okay composure over the past three weeks they were at Las Nevadas. He had made progress with just about everyone when it came to their relationships, but everything was starting to get to him.

He hadn't used his powers in a while. Logically, he knew that he could just go to a room completely alone and just use it and he would be fine, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

It was guilt. It had to be because of the guilt he felt using his abilities.

Tommy thought of using those powers against his family. He thought of the pain his powers had brought against so many people.

Which was stupid. It was so, so stupid. Yet he just couldn't use them. Now it was affecting him.

The thing about the lack of using your powers, it tended to take a toll on you eventually. For most people, it was a mild thing, an itch you couldn't scratch. But when you were someone like Tommy, who had been forced to use their powers at a young age often and push them to the limit in order to survive, it started to feel like it was burning, that there was fire under your skin you just couldn't extinguish.

And Tommy hadn't used his powers in nearly three weeks. It felt like hell itself managed to climb under his skin and the devil was having a fucking party. It burned.

The thing was, he didn't want to bug anyone about it. The argument that happened with Tubbo was pretty much recovered as the brunette knew that it wasn't really Tommy's fault. But Tommy didn't want to burden the two anymore than he already had.

And talking to the SBI was just a bad idea. He shouldn't ask for help to people who weren't very happy at him at the moment.

He could go to Quackity. Tommy was certain that the Villain would help without any hesitation, but he was already using Quackity for help with countless things, and they weren't even as close as they used to be. He shouldn't take advantage of him as much as he had.

So that left him alone to handle his problems.

That was fine. It was fine. It was fine.

Yes, Tommy hadn't gotten good enough sleep for weeks, due to his thoughts that kept him awake. He had been admittedly working himself to the bone by trying to find a perfect house for them and trying to fix the relationships he didn't even realize he ruined so poorly.

Maybe he also thought some things were unfair between everyone. He didn't like how Tubbo and Ranboo were upset with him because of something that was a little out of his control, or the lack of communication they had been giving him. Actually, the lack of communication everyone had been giving him.

Or how about how the SBI still withhold what happened with Dream, as if Tommy didn't spill his guts about every piece of trauma he had experienced.

But it was fine. He still betrayed them. He still hurt them and threatened them and lied to them. It was simply the consequences of his idiotic actions, so he had to suck it all up. It didn't matter that he felt so emotionally drained. It didn't matter how his skin felt like flames underneath him. It didn't matter how tired or cheated he felt, because he still made so many mistakes.

He knew that regardless, he couldn't be able to hide the suffering he was going through forever. Maybe he could downplay it until he stopped being an idiot and was able to bring himself to use his abilities again.

"Tommy," Quackity said sternly, "are you gambling again?"

Tommy blinked and looked at the machine. Oh yeah, he was doing that, wasn't he?