Melody of death | English Version | Charles Leclerc FF

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C É L I N A

Trembling all over the body I leaned on the railing from the -I guess 20 meters high- bridge and looked in the distance.The road was empty. Understandably. The most people lie in bed at 3 a.m. and sleep deeply. The cold wind blew bitterly through my hair. Goosebumps dragged all over my skin. Not even the light pullover or the long trousers that I wore could hold me warm. But it actually didn't matter now if I'm cold or warm. Soon nothing of me will be left behind anyway. Only my still body.
I felt a big impatience when I thought about which pleasure I'm going to make the people around me as soon as I'm leaving. I almost could already hear the relief from my family and my friends when they get informed about my death. They'll be better without me. They don't need me to live.

Do it finally! Pushed my inner voice. Her reprint almost hurt me.

Determined I climbed more or less over the railing but shortly before I could touch the other side, tears began falling down my face. They were warm and salty. Damn! Why am I crying now? That is the only right decision I could make. Nobody wants me here so it's better to leave. Pull yourself together!

Between my unclear view I noticed a weak light that suddenly came near and near. There was a noise like a car was slowly driving in my direction. But I hadn't the power to move no more so I just kept concentrating on my running tears. I stayed in the condition until I heard an opening door from a car directly behind me. The following steps made me stop looking in the depth. „Hey you! Immediately come down there!" a male voice shouted. Without turning around I commanded him to get away. „Leave!" My voice sounded toxic but the man hadn't the plan to take me serious. „No! I can help you! We can talk!" -  „I don't need your help! And no go back home!" I hissed to him while the anger and despair in me almost lost control.

„I won't disappear until you come down!" He kept his opinion. God, what a stubborn head.

Because I knew that he won't give up I climbed back down on my feet. I thought it'll be a solid ground, but as dizziness came in my head it got shaky like a carousel. I staggered a little bit to the side and let me sink down to the ground. The young man wanted to hold me in the last moment but I looked at him like a devil. He fast pulled back his hand but kneed down right next to me. Everything around me turned in circles. My eyes almost couldn't see something. What was wrong with me?

The brown haired man -how I recognized the color of his hair in the headlight of his car- had a worried look on me.  I inspected his face. He had a little mustache and a young skin. But I couldn't descry more than that. He wore a red sport jacket. What really stood on it wasn't readable for me. As well he wore a dark-blue jeans and white sneakers.

The dizziness in my head slowly calmed down a bit the longer I just sit there with doing nothing but looking straight ahead. I felt stirred up in my whole feelings.  The man remained silent like me, but I heard his running breath.  He probably was confused because he stumbled in my plan to kill myself.

„Should I drive you home?" he asked in the silence. . „Or just tell me someone -a friend or a family member- to where I can bring you."

Nothing will dissuade me to come back to this bridge and to just postpone my plan. I surely wouldn't tell him that. He directly would admit me to a psychiatric hospital.

When he noticed that I didn't say anything he started talking again. „You really can tell me. I'm going to forget the address after. I promise. The main thing is that you're in safety.", his words were a real supplication.

But no. It's not that easy how it seemed for him. He'll never be able to bring me in safety. Because the only danger that really exists is myself. He can't tame this danger. Not by brining be home, not by sending me away from this bridge today.

„You can't help me." I said harshly. „Please understand it and let me alone." my voice was shaking.

He didn't make the appearance that he'll be expelled by those words. Sure, my words didn't sound convincing but that had one clear reason. Today he threw everything over the pile. My plan was perfect, but now it's destroyed. He thinks he is the hero because he got me down the railing. But he doesn't even think about all the things he ruined with that. I didn't want to live no more. I came here with a tight determination because I don't see another way out. Why can't he understand that it's easier for me to leave?

Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm. Frightened I looked up. The man apologetic pulled back his hand and scratched the back of his head. „I'm sorry..." he broke off.

I slipped a few centimeters away from him and avoided his eye contact. Why couldn't he just let me alone?

„I...Why did you want to kill yourself?" he asked with a hesitance, while he was looking to the ground without understanding.  I stayed silent. There is no reason why I should tell him about that.

„Hey. Talk to me.." he murmured and demonstratively looked in my eyes. When I replied the eye contact, he began to smile softly.

„Rue d'étoile 16." I raised it monotonously, stood up and left him on the ground. He followed me irritated after he watched me walking to his car. „What?!" he asked. „That's where I'm living. You wanted to know an address where you can bring me to. I really don't want to spend more time with you so let's just bring it behind us." he nodded understanding and sit down on the driver seat. I took place on the passenger seat and was amazed after I saw the interior design from the car. The dashboard shined in red lights and uncountable buttons were found above the radio in the middle. The seats were made of light leather. I couldn't even found one single piece of dirt. I guess this guy is a rich and arrogant asshole who cleans his car every day and visits the car wash at least to times a week.
If I would have known with whom I'm sitting in this car to this time, I probably would have run wide away.

When he started the engine, I stopped looking at the interior design and watched out of the window instead. I definitely wasn't interested in a small talk with him.

I stayed silent for the whole drive and he thankfully respected that and was still as well. The lights of the city flew past me but were more like a movie than the reality. My thoughts were still stuck on the bridge. How this man just walked in my life and forced me to go down the railing and tried to talk with me. I couldn't understand why I met exactly him at 3 a.m. . Exactly today where I wanted to jump in peace...