Melody of death | English Version | Charles Leclerc FF

forty-two ఌ

„Is everything okay with Elmo?" I asked my mom at the other end of the line. „Yes, of course. He lies on the balcony in the sun," she replied in a joyful voice. „Hey Elmo! Célina is here. Do you hear?" I heard her running to my dog and shortly afterwards I heard his snout brushing the microphone. A loving and at the same time longing smile came on my face and briefly distracted me from my inner demons. How much I would like to be with the big ball of wool now and just scratch him behind my ears?

„Okay Mom. Then thank you again for being able to stay with you over the weekend."
„That's not a problem. We already love him," I laughed. Shortly afterwards, I said goodbye and sent greetings to my dad. Her warm voice fell silent and I was left alone.

I was glad that almost at the same moment Charles came around the corner and breathed a kiss on my cheek. He briefly scared away my concerns, which wanted to settle in my thoughts again.
„Hey!", I mumbled against his chest as he hugged me. „How was your day?" he asked back and walked with me towards the parking lot. It had already been three hours since the start of qualifying, which had ended well for Charles.

„Well. How was the Teammeeting?", I directed the topic to his profession. „Oh, a little boring. They said something about new upgrades that they want to tackle during the summer break," Charles reported little impressed. I just nodded and walked silently next to him. My muscles tightened the closer we got to the parking lot and the fans associated with it. I kept a watchful lookout for them, which Charles also seemed to notice. „Have you seen a ghost or what's going on?" he asked with a frown and looked down at me. „No, no. I..."

„Heeeey Charles!", We drove around synchronously when we heard Lando, who had interrupted me. And right now I couldn't have been happier about him...

„And Célina!", He came waving towards us and then hooked up with me. „So, what is it? Do you want to go golfing with me? I know a place nearby."
„Yes, I'm in," Charles got in and both just looked at me while waiting. „Oh guys, I'm passing. I didn't sleep so well last night and would rather do a Power Nap now. But don't you go, I'll order a taxi," I explained and was already about to get my cell phone out when Charles pushed my hand down again.
„Oh, come on. You really don't want to?" I saw his pleading look, but I just couldn't. As much as I wanted to make him happy, everything in me resisted. „No, I really don't want to," I repeated myself and put on a smile.

„All right. But I'll drive you to the hotel," he announced and took out his car key when we had reached the parking lot. Lando took his car and wanted to drive it up with it. I was happy that no fans were within reach, so Charles didn't hear anything about the hatred against me.

I looked over the trip out of the window and watched the English house facades and the people who were following their plans. When I felt Charles' warm hand on my thigh, I looked over at him. His facial expressions showed concern and at the next traffic light he looked directly into my eyes. He looked deeply at me into these -in my soul gates- and I almost got scared that he could see everything that was going on inside me.

„Chérie, talk with me. Since the phone call with the person you still don't want to tell me about, you've been so silent...", his voice sounded depressed and sad. I turned my eyes away from him. Searched the streets of Silverstone for words that could save me. "Because it's not important. You don't have to worry about the phone call, I'm just tired," I said evasively and didn't dare to look at Charles again. Although I saw in the corner of my eye as he looked at the street because the traffic light was green.

„Célina, Don't sell me for stupid. I've known you for weeks now. And if I'm honest, your condition scares me," he shared his thoughts with me. Damn! That's exactly what I wanted to prevent from the beginning. His fear for me. This is a priority that I have been following for years. The reason why I keep away from all people as much as possible. My throat tightened. Not a word, not even an approximate interjection left my mouth. And Charles didn't say anything more either. He parked in front of the hotel as agreed. Not as usual, we only said goodbye with a "Ciao." No kiss, no hug. An invisible wall full of unspoken words and undisclosed feelings hovered between us and did not leave me cold.

In our suite, I was not looking for some sleep as claimed, but reached for my mobile phone. I didn't know what drove me to do it, but I clicked on the chat with Linnea.

„Hey Nea. How are you? Can we maybe talk? If it doesn't suit you differently, we can also talk on the phone."

I struggled briefly to really send the text, but she was the only one I would talk to now. She used to come to me with her problems, so I could take an example from her and do the same. Maybe she can give me some advice.

In the end, I tapped Send and sighed. Hopefully she would get in touch and it was not a mistake to write to her..

I sank back into bed and stared selflessly at the ceiling. I felt the demons in me gnawing at me. They wanted to see me dead and if I was honest, it felt exactly that way. As if I were fading a little more in myself bit by bit. I fade out, lose my desire to live. A swirl from the ocean pulls me with it into the depths and the waves that strike over me threaten to crush me. The last few weeks I have not been afraid of these waves anymore, because they were no longer hurting me. When I jumped off his yacht with Charles, the water had not pushed me to death, but filled me with peace. But now they mercilessly dragged me back under the surface of the water, so that I almost drowned from it.