Melody of death | English Version | Charles Leclerc FF

thirty-one ఌ

C H A R L E S

The sun burned down on us hot and without mercy. The sea shone in the most beautiful blue and apart from some seagulls who fought for fish, hardly anything could be heard. It is always best here in the afternoon. At least in the summer.

My eyes fell on Célina. She lay on her stomach and had put her head in front of her on her arms. Her gaze pointed in my direction, but her eyes were closed. She breathed calmly and evenly. A pleasant feeling spread in my stomach when I saw her lying there. So peaceful. I had never seen her like this before. After she seemed so contrite and dissolved to me this morning, I thought that the day could hardly end like that. But now I have the feeling that she is more free than ever. She fully presented herself to me today, exposed her body to me without any protective shield. At first, where I found her on the bridge, I still saw so much fear and coldness in her eyes because she preferred to push me away. Now there is something else. Trust.

I observed her naked body. Her brown hair lay on long waves on her back. Some strands hung in her face, but that didn't seem to bother her. I put my hand gently on her shoulder blade and began to massage her. She opened her eyes and grinned at me with the sun in her face. That caused that I had to smile as well. „What?", she asked after a while. I paused, just silently looked past her for a few moments. I had to find the right words. I didn't want to begin that wrongly, but at last I needed an answer.

„I already know you pretty well. And I feel that you are very fine at the moment and that makes me happy. But I also recognize that you're often very sad and stirred up. And one of these moments was today in the morning.", I made a break and shortly looked in her face, „If something happened yesterday, you can tell me about it.", my gaze now caught hers and I looked her deeply in her eyes. I suddenly felt stupid. Should I have talked about that to another time?
Célina was silent. Very long. But I also didn't say anything. She should think herself whether she wanted to talk with me or not. But in my inner self, I prayed that she would explain it to me and is not only open with her body with me. I also want to learn to understand her vulnerable side. I never asked her to tell me why she wanted to kill her self. I thought it would be better to not talk about that topic and to just be unconditionally there for her. And I also think that that helped her. But if we want to be a couple, we will have to be more honest to each other.

„Charles?", I nodded, „You are right. I haven't been feeling better today than in years. And exact because of that I don't wanna talk about yesterday today.  Because now I am happy." , she swallowed and turned her gaze to the sea as if she wanted to ask it for advice. „I promise you to tell you about it someday. But not today."

I nodded and looked for words that fit best now. I continued the massage on her back. "Everything in its time," I murmured and then repeated the sentence several times in my head. Everything in its time. Everything in its time.

ఌ

It was already getting dark when I caught up with the anchor and got into the cockpit to Célina. Behind me, I closed the door and then stepped into the control. Célina sat on one of the seats and had the blanket around her that I had given her before. Although I couldn't look directly into her eyes when I started the engine, I saw the reflection of her face in the window. I had to smile. She was really good for me.

I steered the yacht towards the port where it has its mooring. The sea was calm at the time. Célina and I both didn't talk, but there was no unpleasant silence between us either. Each of us hung up with our own thoughts and that was okay.
Célina is not my first girlfriend. God, I don't even know if she is my girlfriend at all. But I have never let a woman so deep in my life before. My previous relationships usually only lasted a maximum of six months. No, I'm not a fuckboy or anything like that. I was just like a sailor thrown overboard who was looking for love to be saved. Because I lost the human in the past, who taught me what a father is. Who took me with two years to the first ever grand prix and supported me in a young age at my first carting race. But I don't search for rescue in Célina. She -or me- turned the tables. Now I am saving her. I can't name what I protect her from, but I do, I know that. And I trust her and let her participate in my life.

Arms that closed tightly from behind made me aware. I looked at my stomach, on which there were two small hands. I left one of my hands on the wheel, the other wandered on the two hands and lay down on them like a seal on a letter. On my back, I now felt Céline's head leaning against it because she is too small to put it on my shoulder. I felt her breathing through my shirt and with every breath, our heartbeats merged into each other. They beat in the same rhythm. We breathed in and out at the same time.
„Ma Chérie,", I felt her chin in my skin as she looked up, "Thank you," I murmured. She said nothing for a moment. "Hm? For what?" it came quietly from her, it was almost a whisper. I was silent for a moment. "That you are there," I spoke almost as quietly as she used to, smiling.
Shortly afterwards, I felt a pinch in my back, as if she had pinched me with her teeth. "Hey!" played horrified, I turned around and looked Célina in the face. She grinned embarrassed. Before she came up with the idea of biting me again, I just wrapped my arms around her and pressed her firmly against me. Her head was on my chest and I heard her satisfied sigh.