Melody of death | English Version | Charles Leclerc FF

fifty-fife ఌ

C É L I N A

In the meantime, a month and a half has passed. It was early October. Autumn has arrived in Monaco. Colorful leaves gathered on the sidewalks and cool wind blew through the alleys. I loved this time of year. To be precise, it has always been my favorite time.

Charles and I have rarely seen each other in recent weeks. It has become different between us since we know each other's wounds. I think we both needed time to sort ourselves out. Besides, I had told him exactly what I had always forbidden myself to do. So, I'm doing exactly what he accused me to: I'm distancing myself because he wanted to help me. I feel bad about it. At least he told me what's on his mind. So, I know what I once saw in his eyes and couldn't decipher. Fear. Fear of loss. But I couldn't stay. I commit an escape just to be far away from pity and help.
I walked to the gym today. I had pulled a beige coat over my sportswear. I've been freezing cold since I woke up this morning. I had a headache and every step hurt. However, I have been in this state from time to time lately. It's never been as strong as it is today, but I still could manage to think about other things.
A pleasant feeling reached me as I trudged through the leaves. Like in the old days, when I was a small child and walked to kindergarten with my siblings. Back then, everything was still so easy...
A small pain shot through my chest when I didn't see Mara standing behind the counter in the entrance area, as it had been for a month and a half. She now lives in the U.S. and our contact is limited. She has a lot of work to do to finish furnishing the house, so she rarely gets in touch. I miss her here. Her exuberant nature gave me more and more motivation to train here. In the meantime, only my inner pain forces me. Through sport, I compensate for the negative feelings. Even though I've lost even more weight than I ever wanted. But I can't stop.
I put on a smile as I greeted the young guy at the checkout and handed him my card for billing. "You're lucky. There are only two others here at the moment," he smiled and handed me the card back a little later. I nodded in understanding and thanked him. At the rooms to change the clothes, I locked my stuff in a locker and went to the training area on weak legs. I was told that only two young men were training on their equipment and that's just how it was. I put my water bottle down on the floor and put my headphones in my ears. At first, I used a treadmill. Although my head and limbs were throbbing with pain, it took me half an hour to get back down. But as I did so, it began to spin around me. I paused for a moment. I had to regain my composure. What was that? I trotted to my bottle on wobbly legs, but before I even reached it, my eyes went black. The last thing I noticed was a dull ache as my back slammed to the floor. After that, there was nothing for a while. Nothing but frightening darkness.
At some point, I heard muffled voices in the distance. Someone called my name. Maybe there were several people. I tried to open my eyes, but it didn't work. They seemed to be glued shut. But the more time passed, the clearer the sounds around me became. "Célina, do you hear me?", I blinked. The bright light of the ceiling blinded me, so I couldn't open my eyes more than a little. I could see two men dressed in red. Next to them stood Jordan, the man of the entrance. He looked down at me worriedly. "She's awake. Hey, Célina, we'll take you to a clinic." That can't be true. Damn! I opened my eyes in panic. "Please don't! I'm fine," I stammered. I didn't want to go to the hospital. My parents were not allowed to know what happened to me. "It's essential. You could die," said the doctor, as I had identified him in the meantime, with a serious gaze. I couldn't breathe. Die? He couldn't be serious, could he?! I was just a little weak. A little sleep would fix that.
The next moment, I was lifted onto a stretcher and got taken out of the building. I was only distantly aware of everything. Like it was a movie I watched from far away. Without the ability to trade. How the fuck did I end up here?
In the ambulance, I noticed that I was hooked up to several monitors. One of the paramedics stayed next to me during the drive to the hospital and appeared to be monitoring me. I turned my head away dismissively. I didn't want to talk.