Melody of death | English Version | Charles Leclerc FF

forty-seven ఌ

C H A R L E S

Frustrated, I kicked the football a little too hard in Sam's direction. Said man emitted a frightened sound and just accepted the ball before he hit the wall behind him. "Can't you please direct your anger against me?!" he protested laughing and played to me again. When I didn't answer anything to it, he stopped the ball under his foot at my next shot and looked at me waiting. „Wanna talk?" I sighed and drove stirred up through my hair. Although I had straightened them this morning, they had to be completely disheveled by now, so many times as I had already used my fingers as a comb.

„Come on, spit it out.", Sam crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was not in the least willing to compromise.

"Oh, I don't know," I moaned and scratched the back of my head helplessly. I really didn't know how to explain to Sam what was going on in me. Somehow I didn't even really know it myself. It was too much in my head and at the same time nothing.

"It's about Célina. You know, I'm really trying to be the partner for her that she can hold on to and something like that. I also accept if she doesn't want to talk to me about everything, but I see how bad she has been doing recently. And it's frustrating because I feel like she doesn't trust me enough...," I explained. I wasn't angry with Célina. She was not to blame. I was angry that I don't seem to make her feel safe with me. But for what else am I there for when she doesn't share her tears with me, when she closes her thoughts to me and doesn't tell me why she's not feeling bad? How am I supposed to help her then?

„If I were you, I wouldn't blame you and just as little on her. I'm sure she has reasons why she doesn't confide in you," Sam replied, but somehow his words didn't cheer me up. I had been tormenting myself with this chaos of thoughts for too long, now it feels insolvable.

„Don't you think I'm to blame? After all, I took her with me into my world and now she is hated by the people of this world...", after the last race weekend, Sam told me in one minute in private about an incident in front of the paddock grounds. He did not miss how MY fans had behaved towards Célina and what it did to her. She didn't talk about it, but Sam recognizes when people behave differently than normal.

„Do YOU insult her or these envious?" he frowned. I shrugged my shoulders, "Do you see? It's not your fault for how she is received," my good friend tried to rid me of the feelings of guilt, for which I was very grateful to him.

„But Charles, I know you far too good to notice that that's not all.", I rolled my eyes. Not because I was annoyed, but because I hoped that I wouldn't have to talk about this topic.„My dad died today two years ago.", I finally murmured and bit my lower lip. Sam sharply pulled in the air and looked at me with a serious look. „And you haven't told her yet?", I nodded. My dad had never been a huge topic in our relationship. I hate to talk about this dark part of my life which still hurts like an open wound.  How does it help me to talk with other people? Nobody could fill the hole in me which my dad left behind.

„You ask Célina to talk about her worries, but are silent yourself? Come on Charles, don't you see the hook?" Sam said and looked at me as if he expected more from me. I raised my shoulders and put my head in my neck. When was the last time I had such problems keeping a cool head on a race weekend?

„You are right.", I finally admitted.

„When will Célina be there? Are you talking to her before qualifying?" I looked at the watch on my wrist. It was just before two. Actually, she should have arrived on the area a few minutes ago.

„I think I should, right?" I sighed crunched. Sam nodded violently. "Well, I'll see you later," I waved to my manager and disappeared into the motorhome via the rear entrance. In the lobby, I glanced out and saw her standing together with Lando, Pierre and Carlos. I took a deep breath in and out and gathered all the courage I needed for the following conversation.

With a smile on my face, I stepped outside through the door to the small group and wrapped my arms around Célina. The next moment she drove around and began to shine when she recognized me. Her raised corners of her mouth improved my mood and also made me smile. "Do you have a short time to talk?" I asked after an intimate kiss on her tender lips. The boys from the other teams grinned and in the corner of my eye, I saw how Carlos and Lando looked at each other with a knowing gaze.

A worried expression scurried over Célinas face, but she finally nodded. She said goodbye to the others briefly before we went to my room in the motorhome and I locked the door behind us. It didn't take long until she began to speak. „Your expression tells me that something is wrong. So, if you want to break up with me...", she made a break and I clearly heard the fear in her voice.„Please, just say it directly.", I shook my head hastily. „No, no, that isn't it."

„Charles, what else is wrong then?", she asked with a still occupied voice. The courage that I had packed up before suddenly dissolved into the air. This was maybe the wrong place and time to talk about such topics.

„Charles.", Her hoarse voice reminded me that I finally had to talk. But I couldn't. My head was swept empty. Everything that was left behind were the blurred memories of my father that suddenly made up to me and so made me lose my voice. And in the same moment I realized that I couldn't clear now what is standing between us.
„I'm sorry. I can't talk now.", my voice was trembling. I stood helplessly there and looked past her with an empty glance. If she had not taken a step towards me and pulled me to her, we would certainly have stayed that way forever. My trembling hands drove circles on her back, although I wasn't sure if they should calm her or me. The last was probably more likely to be the truth.

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With circles driving thoughts I got rid of my racing clothes after qualifying, which I had finished on P6. Sam always had his eyes on me, as if he were trying to look into my skull. I peppered the red clothes carelessly to the ground and instead put on a Ferrari T-shirt and the jeans I came here with this morning. Although sport always frees me from bad thoughts, I had only been able to shake off Célina and my father for the duration of the qualification. Now they wrapped my whole person again and almost drove me crazy. If I had simply told Célina what a day it is today, it wouldn't be so difficult. I was sure that she would understand me, but it didn't change the sensitivity of this topic.

With a nod, I meant to Sam that we could go. On the way to the paddock, we forked up Célina, who had once again talked to Lando and the other two from today at noon. The thick air between us, kicked my chest like a boxer and I was almost uncomfortable how we kept quiet at each other. But I couldn't blame Célina for not talking to me either. In her position, I would probably do the same. Sam inconspicuously gave me an unmistakable look, which I left without comment.