The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #12

Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?
Randy: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.

Zenitsu: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Giyuu: I would say infinitesimally.
Randy: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Zenitsu: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*
Randy: *standing on the roof* Bless you.
Zenitsu: God?!

Zenitsu: Randy, I am questioning your sanity...
Giyuu: I never questioned it, I knew his sanity was missing from the start.

Giyuu: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.
First Ninja: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

Randy: Three of the four elements are represented as types of hockey. Air hockey, ice hockey, and field hockey. Fire hockey needs to be a thing.
Giyuu: Fire hockey absolutely does NOT need to be a thing.
Zenitsu: Do you care NOTHING for the balance of the four elements?!

Zenitsu: Where have you been all day?
Randy: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Randy: Did you study for the marine biology test?
Zenitsu: Of course I did! Listen: fish are remarkably well adapted to water. What's more, they can swim.
Randy: You are so lame.

Randy: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don't set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It's risky and I like it.

Randy: I saw you fall, saw the sinners lay on your corpses...
Zenitsu: Hey, what's up with Randy?
Randy: I created you, made the pieces perfect, others marveled at your beauty... their gazes may have held envy, though, for none are perfect but you. I was only looking away for a moment, but you were gone. I had failed you. And I fell into despair. The only way to save myself was to create, but I knew... this time I knew I was only making you to die. And I apologize. For I will undoubtedly fail you again. For a short time, there will be peace and beauty, but none in the face of us shall lay undisturbed. The greatest have fallen, and will continue to fall, and I weep for you for being born unto this place, where brother eats brother, and the undeserving rise to fame. Those that have gone against you know they've wronged you, and they will stand before the creator, knowing they have sinned. Do not worry, little ones, you will be avenged.
Giyuu: ...He made some rock towers and went somewhere else for twenty minutes and when he came back the rock towers were destroyed and people were sitting where the towers once were, so he was sad and made more rock towers.
Giyuu, to Randy: Hey, who even is the creator? I thought you were an atheist!
Randy: SHUT THE HELL UP, GIYUU! I'M TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC AND MYSTERIOUS!

Zenitsu: This is a bad idea.
Randy: Then why are you coming along?
Zenitsu: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

Randy: Some of us are still 'it' from a childhood game of tag.
Zenitsu: Way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday.

First Ninja: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.
Randy: I photosynthesize with this.

First Ninja: You know, on second thought, Gum would be perfection.
Zenitsu: *Gives him a strange look and hands him a piece of gum*
First Ninja: *Thinking* Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Zenitsu: "I lost a bet."
Zenitsu: The second-most ominous phrase in existence.
Giyuu: What's the first?
Zenitsu: "Let's make a bet."

Zenitsu: Hey, what's the name of the guy who lives down the hall?
Randy: His cats' names are Walter and Rose.
Zenitsu: That's not what I asked.
Randy: That is all the information I have.

Zenitsu: If I die, you can have what little I own.
Randy: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?
Zenitsu: My unending existence is fueled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.
Randy:
Randy: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.

Zenitsu: Giyuu's gonna kill me.
Randy: No, he'll probably make me do it.

First Ninja: This is ridiculous!
Randy: Hey, someone's gotta be the jester for the court.

Zenitsu: "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" I would. Pussy.
Zenitsu: "I'm not gonna sink to their level" I will. Coward.
Zenitsu: "I'm the bigger person" I'm 150cm tall give me the gun bitch.

Giyuu: Guys it's a shooting star, let's make a wish!
Zenitsu: I wish for good grades.
Randy: Nerd.
Zenitsu: Nevermind, I wish upon the shooting star to fall down at a 30° velocity aiming for Randy. :)
Giyuu: Zenitsu...

Giyuu: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?
First Ninja: I gotta give you credit, Randy. You make it look easy.
Randy: Years of practice.

Randy: Never gonna make you cry!
Giyuu: Never gonna say goodbye!
Randy: Never gonna tell a lie—
First Ninja: I will hurt you.