The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #36

Zenitsu: One time in driver's ed training, we stopped in the middle of nowhere off the highway at a combination KFC and Taco Bell. My friend Randy was working at the counter wearing a Taco Bell hat and asked, "KFC or Taco Bell?" before I said anything, so I said, "Uhh, KFC?" And this fucker dipped behind the counter and reappeared with a KFC hat on instead.

Randy: Cars have windows and can move. Houses have windows and can't move. So, it's not the windows that make the car go, it's something else entirely.
Giyuu: This is what ancient Greek philosophy is like.
First Ninja: Diogenes driving a mobile home into the symposium to ruin Pluto's day.
Zenitsu: "Behold, a van!"

Randy, as his laptop fan suddenly becomes louder: What is it?? What program?? Who is doing this to you??
Zenitsu, opening task manager: Who do I need to kill?

First Ninja: Buy 365 near-identical, solid-colored shirts that range through the entire color spectrum in a loop. It will appear as though you wear the same-colored shirt every day, but in photos from previous months you'll be wearing a completely different color.
Randy: I'M SO IN!

Randy: There's a tortoise at work and he's 30 years old and I love that he's 30 years old because I can look at this animal that is 16 years older than me and go, "Does the man want his appy slices?" and he hustles over cause the man do want his appy slices.

Zenitsu: As a Japanese kid I used to wonder why our radio stations like to play the American National Anthem so much until I learned from my friend Randy that 'Country Roads Take Me Home' is not in fact you guys' national anthem...

Giyuu: Police got behind me and my next left was the cemetery. I turned in that cemetery and he turned in too. I went down to somebody named Jerry's grave and broke down crying.
Giyuu: I'm sorry Jerry, I was in a jam.
Zenitsu: I give anyone reading this permission to use my grave to lie to cops.

Randy: There was a big drug problem at my school, so they hired a police officer to supervise students but now he's playing Magic the Gathering with Der Monster Klub.

Randy: Thinking about the time I was struggling to open my water bottle in class, and a girl that I had spoken to maybe 3 times came up to me and went, "Let me help you baby." and then proceeded to struggle to open the bottle.
Zenitsu: I would've fallen in love right then and there, not gonna lie.

Giyuu: How old are you?
Randy: Oh, I am a freshman.
Giyuu, a Japanese person: I still have no idea how old you are.

Giyuu: Once when I was 9, my teacher told me to write the most beautiful love story I could imagine, and I wrote a story about a shark and a horse who fell in love. And the horse jumped into the sea to be with the shark, but it drowned and died, and the shark was so sad that it also died.
Giyuu: The teacher called my sister.

Randy: Can they please make a dishwasher with a transparent door? I want to see what's going on in there.
Randy: Washing Machine: open, honest, shows you how it's cleaning your clothes.
Randy: Dishwasher: mysterious, untrustworthy, keeps its cleaning methods a secret.

Zenitsu: I'm so fucking weird.
Zenitsu: I'm the nicest rude person you'll ever meet.
Zenitsu: I don't give a fuck about anything but at the same time, I care a lot.
Zenitsu: I hate people, but I develop crushes easily.
Zenitsu: I hate myself, but I'm completely fabulous.
Zenitsu: I need help.
Giyuu: My entire existence in a few sentences.
Randy: Bless this conversation. I'm a walking irony.