The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #29

Giyuu: You have Crayons?
Randy: Yes, I have—
Giyuu: You're— how old are you?
Randy: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

Randy: I will beat all of you in Rock, Paper, Scissors. You go first.
Giyuu: Rock.
Randy: Paper.

Giyuu: Big day today, First Ninja. *holds up two shirts* Mustard stain or ketchup stain?
First Ninja: Mustard– looks less like blood.

Randy: Underestimate me. That'll be fun.

Randy: I WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD FOR YOU!
Giyuu: Okay, can you do the dishes?
Randy: No!

Nomicon: The best person I know is myself.

Zenitsu: I called you like ten times! Why didn't you pick up?
Randy: *remembers dancing to the ringtone*
Randy: I didn't hear it.

Randy: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost!
Zenitsu: That's called murder and I heard somewhere that it was illegal.

Zenitsu: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?
Randy: Making four accounts.
Zenitsu, tearing up: Really...?

Randy: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.
First Ninja: Please never become a surgeon.

First Ninja: What's that?
Zenitsu: Chocolate.
First Ninja: What's chocolate?
Zenitsu: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?
First Ninja: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.
Zenitsu: No wonder you're so bitter.

Giyuu: I will find us a covered wagon and horses.
Giyuu: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone.
Zenitsu: Oh, please. We're not children.
*Giyuu leaves*
Zenitsu, casually: ...Eat shit and die.
First Ninja, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

Zenitsu: I am going to cry. I'm going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the water in my body is gone and I die from dehydration.
Giyuu: Are you okay?
Randy, the only one who understands emotions: Did you actually just ask him that? Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won't know?

Randy: Don't be sad!
Giyuu: Why not?
Randy:
Randy: I don't have a good answer.

First Ninja: Ew. What kind of tea is this?
Randy: I boiled gatorade.

Zenitsu: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

Zenitsu: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Randy.
Zenitsu: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
Zenitsu: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
Randy: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either.
Zenitsu: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.
Randy: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it.
Zenitsu: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

Zenitsu: Hey, Nomicon you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.
Nomicon: Have you ever been to a mortuary?
Zenitsu: Yea, my Gramps lives there.
Giyuu: That is the worst response to that question.

First Ninja: What is it called when you kill a friend?
Randy: Homiecide.
Giyuu: Murder.
Zenitsu: Homiecide.

Store Worker: Would a "Tomioka Giyuu" please come to the front desk?
Giyuu, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker, pointing to Zenitsu and Randy: I believe they belong to you?
Zenitsu and Randy, simultaneously: We got lost.
Giyuu: I didn't even bring you guys here with me—

First Ninja: That's the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.
Randy: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?
First Ninja: I like the way you think.

First Ninja: Hi, I'm First Ninja, and only you can prevent forest fires... seriously, it has to be you. I'm sure as hell not gonna do it.

Giyuu: Which country has the most birds?
Giyuu: Portu-geese!
First Ninja: That's a language.
Giyuu: Portu-gull?
First Ninja: Good recovery.
Zenitsu: I think you mean good re-dovery.
Randy, pun extraordinaire: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

Randy: I'm very scary.
Zenitsu: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.
Randy: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.
Zenitsu: And small.
Randy:
Randy: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Giyuu, talking about Kanzaburou: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird, but emotionally? Imagine the toll!

Zenitsu: Go and tell Tomioka why you insisted on putting a normal-sized carrot in a bag of baby carrots.
Randy:
Zenitsu: Do it, tell him what you told me earlier.
Randy, stuttering: I-it's because... th-they need adult supervision...
Giyuu:

Giyuu: That's illegal, right?
Zenitsu: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop?
Giyuu: No-
Zenitsu: Then shut the fuck up.

Zenitsu: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can't?

Randy: I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver.
Randy: When it hits a corner perfect, I'm allowed one good idea.

Giyuu: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this.
Zenitsu: I literally said "I have an idea," and you just went along with it without question.

Randy: Editor's note: What the fuck?

*Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread*
Giyuu: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.
Nomicon: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.
Zenitsu: if you want information, it is
Randy: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?