The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #20

First Ninja: They... well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?
Giyuu: Um, murder???
Randy: Adventuring!
Zenitsu: Tuesday.

Randy: How the hell are you still alive?
Zenitsu: Honestly, I'm just as confused as you are.

Randy: Zenitsu, what are you doing tomorrow?
Zenitsu: Having my day ruined by whatever you're about to ask me to do.

Zenitsu: Caw caw, motherfuckers.

Randy: Giyuu won't wake up, what do I do?
First Ninja: Did you try kicking him?
Randy: Yes.
First Ninja: I'm out of ideas.

Zenitsu: So jellyshish-
Randy, laughing: JELLYSHISH!?
Zenitsu: You know what I meant!

First Ninja: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.
Nomicon: No, we are mad.
First Ninja: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Nomicon: No, we're not!
First Ninja: I am not a mind reader, Nomicon!

Randy: Hello friends!
Randy: You might be wondering why I'm taped to the ceiling.

First Ninja: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

First Ninja: *falls down the stairs*
Giyuu: Are you okay?
Randy: Stop falling down the stairs!
Zenitsu: How'd the ground taste?

First Ninja: I have no respect for Santa. Don't sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

Nomicon: Can you come out?
Giyuu: Yeah gimme a minute...
Giyuu: Nomicon, I'm gay.
Nomicon: I know that. Come out to the car.
Giyuu: Okay.
Giyuu: Car, I'm gay.

Zenitsu: No problemo!
Zenitsu, internally: But it was all problemo.

Zenitsu: It's nice to be wanted, you know?
Giyuu: Not by the law!

Zenitsu: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?!
Randy: ...
Zenitsu: Oh, right. The lying.

Giyuu: What are you writing?
Randy: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.
Zenitsu, looking over Randy's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

Zenitsu: I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.
Randy: These are handcuffs.
Zenitsu: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

Randy: I have a philosophy in life; if the seat is open, the job is open. That's how I came to briefly drive a Formula 1 car.

Zenitsu: The first time I ever got upset in front of Randy, he put his arms around me and it was so awkward that I had to ask him if he was hugging me or reaching for something on the shelf behind me.
Randy: I was doing both, for your information.
Giyuu: The first time Randy hugged me, it was such a disaster we didn't make eye contact for, like, a week after.

Zenitsu: See, the problem is, Randy, you're playing 3D chess. I'm playing 4D.
Randy: I'm playing checkers. I don't know what the fuck you're playing.

Giyuu: How would you rate your pain?
Randy: 0/10. Would not recommend.

Randy: When life gives you lemonades, make lemons! Life will be all like "whaAttT?"
Giyuu: Life lessons that the Nomicon can't teach you.

Zenitsu: Alright, so the vampire's gravestone is—
Giyuu: Cenotaph.
Zenitsu: What?
Giyuu: It's only a gravestone if it marks the location of a body. A monument honoring someone whose body isn't present is a cenotaph.
Zenitsu: I'm... not sure that's how it works if the body gets up and walks away on its own.
Giyuu: There's a precedent for gravestones being reclassified as cenotaphs if the body is later removed and reinterred elsewhere. There's no rule that says the body itself can't do the removing.
Zenitsu: Okay, but the body is very much coming back. That's kind of what we're here to accomplish.
Randy: So it's a temporary cenotaph.
Giyuu: And naturally our greatest concern here is avoiding semantic ambiguity.
Randy: Semantic ambiguity is how vampires get you.

Zenitsu: Giyuu, I know you love Randy. I mean, we all do, he's a very nice person and I respect him immensely.
Zenitsu: But I think he might be a fucking idiot.