The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #17

First Ninja: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Randy, Zenitsu, & Giyuu: Okay.
First Ninja: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Randy: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Giyuu: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Zenitsu: Bold of you to assume I can die.

First Ninja: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

Randy: Money... Is like president trading cards.

Giyuu: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!
Giyuu, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

Randy, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.

Giyuu: Zenitsu, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Zenitsu, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than his size: Spooky.

First Ninja, on the phone: Where are you?
Giyuu: I told you, I'm at work
First Ninja: Swear you're not at Chuck E Cheese again?
*skee ball machine alarm goes off in the background*

Giyuu: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragon fruit.
Giyuu: Fruits that do live up to their names?
Giyuu: Orange.

Randy: And what did we learn, Zenitsu?
Zenitsu: Tackling someone isn't the correct response to being asked a simple question.

Randy: I couldn't do this without you, Zenitsu.
Zenitsu: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

Randy: Look, Giyuu! It's the good Kush!
Giyuu: It's the dollar store, how good can it be?

First Ninja: That's not funny.
Randy: I thought it was funny.
First Ninja: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

Zenitsu: Yeah, I'm a false prophet, but you believed me, so whose fault is it really that we're in this mess?

Zenitsu: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18?
Giyuu: Zenitsu, stop trying to get drugs.
Zenitsu: Don't suppress my interests.

First Ninja: It kind of feels like you're prioritizing work over our friendship.
Giyuu: Because I barely know you?
First Ninja: Fine, message received.

Randy: I want a bf.
Giyuu: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you're being really vague here.

Randy: You don't know anything about me!
Zenitsu: I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!

Randy: If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2% drop rate.
Zenitsu: What?
Randy: Good luck.

Giyuu, Entering Zenitsu's room: Randy did it again.
Zenitsu: Peace disturbance?
Giyuu: What no-
Zenitsu: Arson..?
Giyuu: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Zenitsu: uh....Attempted murder?
Giyuu: NO, HE ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Randy: You know what they say: you snooze you lose. And it looks like you snost and you lost.

Giyuu: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.
Randy: You're an American treasure.

Giyuu: I hope you have an explanation for this.
Zenitsu: We have three, actually!
Randy: Pick your favorite.

Zenitsu: You know how I asked you to help me make a hot pocket earlier, and you told me to do it myself, because it's "just a hot pocket."
Randy: Yeah?
Zenitsu: Hypothetically speaking, how disappointed would you be if I burned that hot pocket so badly it could probably fall off a ten-story building, be completely fine, and maybe kill someone on the way down?
Randy:
Randy: What did you do, Zenitsu?
Zenitsu: Take a guess.

Randy: What are your adjectives?
Zenitsu: ...you mean my pronouns?
Randy: No, I know your pronouns. What are your adjectives?
Zenitsu: Um, I'm not sure? What are yours?
Randy: Noisy and chaotic.
Zenitsu: I've never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so fast.

Giyuu: When I woke up this morning, my first thought was, "No one visits my grave anymore" and I was really sad for a few minutes so I laid on the bed with my eyes shut and then all of a sudden I opened my eyes and was like, "Wait, I don't have a grave, what the fuck."
Randy: You were possessed.
Zenitsu: Find the spirit that possessed you and visit their grave, you jackass.

Zenitsu: No one's dying on my watch.
Zenitsu: Go die somewhere I can't see you.

Zenitsu: Did you like the food I made?
Randy: No, not really.
Zenitsu: But I put my heart and soul into it!
Randy: No wonder it tastes so cold and dead.