The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #14

Randy: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.

First Ninja, texting: Giyuu, will you please go to sleep?
Giyuu, texting back: What makes you think you didn't just wake me up?
First Ninja, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!
First Ninja, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin' to sleep soon?
Giyuu, texting: I'm trying
First Ninja, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH
First Ninja, texting: Okay, don't stay up too late or you'll be cranky 😊

Randy: *Turns on the kitchen light*
Giyuu: *Sitting at the table, eating bread*
Randy: It's four in the morning.
Giyuu: Turn the light back off.

Zenitsu: I have a 1:30 appointment.
Giyuu: Which doctor?
Zenitsu: No, I want the regular doctor.

Randy: What's wrong with you?
Zenitsu: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

Zenitsu: The saying "it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission" no longer applies to Randy.

*Giyuu teaching Zenitsu to drive and taking Randy along for the ride*
Giyuu: That's a pothole. To the left!
Zenitsu: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*
Randy, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Zenitsu: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Giyuu, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.
Zenitsu: Country Roads.
Randy: To the place.
Zenitsu and Randy in unison: I Belong!
Giyuu, crying harder: What the fuck?

Randy: I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back.
Zenitsu: Why are you telling me this, I don't care.
Zenitsu, right after Randy leaves the room: I miss him already.

Zenitsu: I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime... which should I do?
Giyuu: Please don't get arrested.
Zenitsu: No promises! <3
Randy: Why not both? Get creative!
Zenitsu: Wonderful suggestion, thank you.
Giyuu: Please don't encourage him, Randy.

Giyuu, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!
Randy: Take it back now y'all!

Randy: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free: pouring river water in your socks!
Zenitsu: Why would I do that?
Randy: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free!

Zenitsu: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*
Giyuu: Hey, Zenitsu, how was your day?
Zenitsu: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Giyuu* Hell.
Randy, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

Giyuu: I don't want to tell you to clean your room again!
Randy: ...but you will, right?
Giyuu: Oh, for sure.

Giyuu: How petty can you get?
Zenitsu: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Giyuu: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container.
Randy: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

Giyuu: Why do you think I don't like you? I do. I would kill for you.
Giyuu: Ask me to kill for you.
Zenitsu: ...First of all, calm down-

Randy: May luck (and this picture of Zenitsu eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you.

Zenitsu: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
Randy: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Zenitsu: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
Randy: Somehow that's worse.

First Ninja: I'm having salad for dinner!
Randy:
First Ninja: Well, fruit salad.
First Ninja: Actually, it's mostly grapes.
Randy:
First Ninja: Okay, it's all grapes.
First Ninja: Fermented grapes.
Randy:
First Ninja:
Randy:
First Ninja: It's wine.
First Ninja: I'm having wine for dinner.

Zenitsu: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!
Zenitsu: RANDY IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!
Zenitsu: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

Giyuu: Why aren't you sleeping?
Zenitsu: I'm too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Giyuu.
Giyuu:
Zenitsu: ...The nightmares.
Giyuu: *wrapping their arms around Zenitsu* Awwww, sweetie-

Giyuu: It's too early in the morning for this.
*sent at 11:57 AM*

Giyuu: Hey, Zenitsu? I need advice.
Zenitsu: I'm pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

Zenitsu, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

Randy: WHO THE FUCK-
Zenitsu: Whoa, language!
Randy: I speak fucking English!
Zenitsu: ...

Giyuu: I'm so tired.
Randy: Did you get to bed late?
Giyuu: No.
Randy: Did you do something strenuous?
Giyuu: No.
Randy: Then why are you tired?
Giyuu: I'm alive.
Randy: Sounds exhausting.

Giyuu: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Randy: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Randy: CHARACTER. FLAWS. ARE. FUCKING. IMPORTANT.
Zenitsu: Me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like they're gogurt tubes.

Giyuu: How do you want your coffee?
Zenitsu: Black, like my soul.
Giyuu:
Giyuu: Zenitsu, your soul is a latte.

Zenitsu: At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent.
Giyuu: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear.