The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #23

Nomicon: You three, explain right now!
Zenitsu: It was First Ninja.
Randy: It was First Ninja.
Giyuu: It was First Ninja.
First Ninja:
First Ninja: ...fuck.

Randy: Don't quote me on this, but I believe murder is illegal!

Zenitsu: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

First Ninja: *holding a salt packet* It's just a little sodium chloride.
Randy: Actually, First Ninja, it's salt.
First Ninja: That's what I said, sodium chloride.
Randy: Uh First Ninja, that would be salt.
Zenitsu: *takes salt packet from First Ninja* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

First Ninja: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Giyuu: Jokes on him. I'll ruin his fucking life.

Randy, dashing into the room: WHY AREN'T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?!
Giyuu: ...What does that even mean?!

Randy: Hey, do you wanna hang out this weekend?
Zenitsu: Generic excuse.
Randy: I can't believe you said that out loud, to my face.
Zenitsu: I can.

Giyuu: We got a free day now. What do you wanna do? Eat? Sleep? Nap? Snack?

Giyuu: Oh, fiddlesticks.
Randy: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language.

Randy: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Zenitsu: Which came first, the orange or the orange?
Nomicon: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.
Giyuu: What was the color called before then?
First Ninja: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

Giyuu: ...This is one of those moments where it doesn't really matter what I have to say, isn't it?

Randy: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

*Nomicon is comforting Giyuu once Randy goes back to the future*
Nomicon: Stop crying because it's over. Start smiling because Randy is someone else's problem now.

Giyuu: The Ninja Nomicon taught me to think before I act.
Giyuu: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

Zenitsu: How did you break your leg?
Giyuu: Do you see those porch stairs?
Zenitsu: Yes.
Giyuu: I didn't.

Randy, in a horrible German accent: Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein.
Zenitsu: Can I go to the bathroom?
Randy, in the same horrible German accent: Nein!

Giyuu: I'm bored, any suggestions?
Randy: Sleeping is nice.
Giyuu: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I'm deciding to ignore it.

Zenitsu: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Giyuu: Literally or figuratively?
Zenitsu: I have to specify?

Randy: I was put on this earth to do one thing.
Randy: Luckily, I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.

Zenitsu, to Giyuu: I mean, I get complimented all the time-
Randy: *starts cackling*
Zenitsu: I do!
Randy: *laughs harder*

Randy: Alright, what pizza toppings should we order?
Giyuu: Anchovies and pineapple.
First Ninja: I like beets!
Nomicon: Have you guys ever had a cheese-less pizza?
Randy: I'm disowning all of you.

Zenitsu: Why do humans have different blood groups?
Randy: So mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors.

Randy: Am I in trouble?
Giyuu: Take a guess.
Randy: No?
Giyuu: Take another guess.

Zenitsu, holding Randy's chain-sickle: I've got a weapon, and I'm... admittedly VERY afraid to use it!

Zenitsu: I've been here in jail so long I think I've lost my mind.
Zenitsu: The days turn into weeks; weeks turn into months.
Zenitsu: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
Giyuu: This is Monopoly.

Zenitsu: You say "Please" and "Thank you" in front of First Ninja all the time, and he never repeats it.
Zenitsu: But you call Randy "Ass-faced motherfucker" ONE TIME...

Giyuu: Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.
Zenitsu: Why does it seem like every time you talk to us, you end up talking about the weather? Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather? Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather. I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.
Zenitsu: Let's start there. What do you do for a living?
Giyuu: I'm a meteorologist.

Giyuu: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?
Zenitsu: Microwave for 40 minutes.
First Ninja: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?!
Zenitsu: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn't own any pots...
Randy: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?!
Zenitsu: Microwave for 40 minutes.

Randy: Giyuu, I think we have a problem.
Giyuu: What, the fire?
Randy: No, the- wait, what fire?
Giyuu: Oh, forget about it, this sounds more interesting.

Zenitsu: Ok, first of all, what the fuck?

Zenitsu: Your Honor, I hereby submit the following to the court:
Zenitsu: Randy, what the actual FUCK?

Zenitsu: Truth or dare?
Giyuu: Truth.
Zenitsu: How many hours have you slept this week?
Giyuu:
Giyuu: Dare.
Zenitsu: Go to sleep.
Giyuu: I don't like this game.