The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #42

Zenitsu: Randy, what's your job?
Randy: I operate the terrible machine.
Zenitsu: Can you make it a little less terrible?
Randy: Only lever I can pull makes it worse, but I'm doing it slowly because I believe in change from inside the system.

Randy: One time one of my teachers referred to me by my discord name.
Zenitsu: Jesus Christ. Okay, fuck whatever I was talking about. Your thing is 100 times worse.

Giyuu: Fuck personality tests what position do you sleep in and how you like your eggs cooked.
Randy: People who answer with "on my back" and "hard boiled" are to be feared.

Zenitsu: Is it just a thing that when you hear the wind howling, literally everyone in the room stops to listen to it and points it out.
Randy: American version: When driving in a car with people, and you pass a farm with cattle grazing, everyone will stop talking and just say, "cows."

Zenitsu: What if ducks threw bread back at you?
Randy: You'd have to duck.
Giyuu: This is one of those posts that makes you step back and re-examine your entire worldview.

Nomicon: Did I ever tell you guys?
First Ninja: No, you never did.
Nomicon: And I never will.

Randy: Wen u take a chick cinema and they be like $48.75 for 2 popcorn and drinks, u be like "that's calm" but ur soul inside is on 1% battery life.
Giyuu: What language is this?
Zenitsu: I don't know but somehow, I understand it.
First Ninja: "That's calm."

Randy: Please fire me. I work at McDonald's and last week I spent 15 minutes trying to explain to an old man that we do not sell hot dogs (McDogs as he claimed it) then he threatened to report me for "withholding products from him!"
Giyuu: He's from an alternate timeline.
Zenitsu: The McDogs Man actually proves the multiverse theory.

Zenitsu: Anyone else feel like God is just toying with you however he pleases? He thinks he's so funny. Well, I'm about to be hilarious.

Randy: "fuck boys get money" means:
Randy: A) Forget boys, accrue wealth instead.
Randy: B) Have sex with boys and get money for it.
Randy: C) Fuck Boys – i.e., boys who fuck – are paid well.
Randy: D) Argh!!! Boys are paid well.
Randy: E) Shoot, boys sure understand money.
Zenitsu: God bless punctuation and the English language.

Zenitsu: WHY ARE NONE OF YOU FUCKERS FLIPPING SHIT?!?
Zenitsu: NASA HAS DECLARED PLUTO A PLANET AGAIN!
Randy: IT HAS MOONS!!! IT HAS MOONS!!!
First Ninja: WHAT. WHAT! PLUTO YOU FUCKING DID IT!
Randy: VIVA LA PLUTO, YOU DID IT!

Randy: Weddings are so emotional even the cake is in tiers.
Zenitsu: I am no longer speaking to you.
Giyuu, amazed: Oh my Nomicon...

Zenitsu: GET IGNORED SO MUCH, BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS!
Randy: At least you get accepted no matter what.
First Ninja: That's the most uplifting thing I've seen all day.
Giyuu: Woah.

Zenitsu: Math is really tiring, I'm so glad I finally get to relax and do some knitting and crochet and I- Oh God... Oh my, what the fuck!
Giyuu: Before you start knitting/crochet you have to ask yourself.
Giyuu: Do I know how to count?
Giyuu: And more importantly, am I ready to come to terms with the answer?
Giyuu: Which is no.