The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #37

Zenitsu: Let's not Randy this into a worse situation than it already is.
Randy: Did you just use my name as a verb?

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?
Zenitsu: Death penalty.
Giyuu, from the gallery: Zenitsu, it's just a parking ticket.
Zenitsu, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.

Giyuu: Nomicon is okay.
First Ninja: It's okay? It said it was going to break my legs! And don't tell me it didn't mean it, okay?! 'Cause it gave me the mackerel eyes, it meant it!
Giyuu: First Ninja, Nomicon threatened me. It threatens Randy every day. It probably threatened Zenitsu before breakfast this morning. It's what it does. Grow a pair.

Randy: Don't trust everything you see on the internet.
First Ninja: Pfft. What possible nonsense could come from the internet? Oh. Did you know that the Earth is actually flat?
Randy: *Takes away First Ninja's phone* Yeah, that enough for you.

Zenitsu, to Giyuu: When was the last time you let someone hug you?
Giyuu: *thinking*
Giyuu: 1912.
Zenitsu: 1912...?
Giyuu: Yeah. I almost died and it really freaked Randy out, so I let him hug me.

Randy: Don't stay up all night, Giyuu. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

Randy: Pro-tip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.
Zenitsu: What's wrong with you??
Randy: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.
Giyuu: No, he means other than that.
Randy: Ohhhhhh.
Randy: I haven't slept in 4 days.

Giyuu: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Randy without him noticing?
Zenitsu: Hey, Randy! I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.
Randy: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.
Giyuu: ...

Randy: Do you ever wonder why you're still single?
Zenitsu, eating mayonnaise straight out of the jar with a spoon: Yeah... I mean, I'm perfect! Who wouldn't want to date me?
Randy, sighing: I can name a few people...

Randy: It smells like henway in here.
Giyuu:
Randy: Giyuu.
Randy, forcefully: Doesn't it smell like henway in here?
Giyuu: *sigh*
Giyuu: What's a henway?
Randy, full of chicken facts from his fear: OH ABOUT TEN POUNDS!

Zenitsu: I never tell people off the bat that I'm bisexual. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm bi right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.
Nomicon:
Nomicon: I like you.

Giyuu: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
First Ninja: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Zenitsu: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Randy: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Zenitsu: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It's really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn't hate you so much, I might even be impressed.
Randy: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Zenitsu!