The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quote #24

First Ninja: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!
Giyuu: Please, just say fuck.

Giyuu: Why are you talking to yourself?
Zenitsu: It's called a soliloquy, bitch.

Giyuu: Did you win? Or just not die?
Giyuu: Either way, hooray.
Randy: ...Is "no" a valid answer?
Giyuu: The hooray is redacted, and you frighten me.

First Ninja: Are you busy?
Giyuu: No.
First Ninja: Want to do something?
Giyuu: Why would you try to ruin this for me?

Zenitsu: You're such a dumbass (affectionate).
Randy: Aww, you're such a whore (complimentary).
Giyuu: How are you talking like that in real life?
Randy: Witchcraft (derogatory).

Zenitsu: I'd kill someone if you asked me to.
Randy: I'm pretty sure you'd kill someone even if I didn't ask you to.

Zenitsu, figuring out the identities of the Ninjas: I've connected the two dots.
Randy, trying to bullshit his way out of it: You didn't connect shit.
Zenitsu, not buying it: I've connected them.

Giyuu: Don't you have any dignity, Randy?
Randy: Uh, no.

Zenitsu: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.
Randy: Those are wanted posters!

Giyuu: I can't imagine what Zenitsu is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Randy: You need to be more careful!
Zenitsu, who was dragged into Randy's issue: Careful? CAREFUL?! I'LL CAREFULLY WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT-

Randy: Self-care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.
First Ninja: Self-care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self-care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self-care is the fear in your enemies' eyes.
Giyuu: Self-care is stealing someone's birthday cake just to eat the frosting.
First Ninja: If you touch my birthday cake, I'll make you eat your hands.

Zenitsu: You're an idiot.
Randy: That's the charm.

*Zenitsu and Giyuu texting*
Zenitsu: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I'm lonely.
Giyuu: Isn't First Ninja there?
Zenitsu: Yes, but I like you more.

Giyuu: Everyone has a toxic trait. Except Randy, he's perfect.
Randy: Wrong! My toxic trait is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon.

First Ninja: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.

Zenitsu: We're going to have to split up, like in Scooby Doo.
Zenitsu, to Randy and Giyuu: You guys are Scooby and Shaggy. You can search the bathrooms.
Zenitsu, to First Ninja: Velma, you get the spooky looking fridge in the basement.
First Ninja: What? Why am I Velma? And why do I get the... dubious looking device?
Zenitsu: Because only Velma would say "dubious device". First Ninja gets the spooky fridge in the basement.
Randy: And what does that make you, Fred?
Zenitsu: Bitch, I'm Daphne.

Zenitsu: Yeah, I find it quite emotional. In like a cool way.
Randy: Did you just say it makes you cry in a cool way?

Giyuu: Surprise! I'm having a baby!
Randy: What?!
Giyuu: *pull out adoption papers* It's you!

Randy: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by a spontaneous musical number.

Giyuu, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I'm at the store so be quick!
Zenitsu: Moose Tracks is good!
Randy: What the fuck is that!?
Zenitsu: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo-
Randy: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It's like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like "Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.
Giyuu and Zenitsu: what?
Randy: I don't get it why add the EXTRA u when it's PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!?
Giyuu: You done now?
Randy: Yeah ok.
Giyuu and Zenitsu: ...
Randy: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

Zenitsu, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??
Zenitsu, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it's the LAW!