The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #43

First Ninja: How are you gonna carve a gigantic pumpkin?
Randy: The same way I make onion rings!
Randy: *grabs a chainsaw*

Randy: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
Zenitsu: And you came to me?

Giyuu: What did you two do?
Randy:
Zenitsu:
Giyuu: You're not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

Zenitsu: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby?
Zenitsu: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.
Zenitsu: I also want to softhack his circuits.
Giyuu: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

Giyuu: You know I think my life has value.
Nomicon: Who are you and what have you done with Giyuu?!

Nomicon: How many children do you have?
Giyuu: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

First Ninja: The time to act is now.
First Ninja: Wink, wink.
Randy: Don't say "wink wink". Just wink.
First Ninja: Oh, sorry.
First Ninja: Wink.

Giyuu: So, Zenitsu and Randy.
Giyuu: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto...
Zenitsu: We had a bad day.
Giyuu: And... MURDER?!
Randy: It was a pretty bad day...

Giyuu: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.
Randy: But what if something else happens just this one time.

Giyuu: How do you do that?
Randy: I'm fearless.
Zenitsu: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.
Randy: I'm mostly fearless.

Randy: Change is inedible.
Giyuu: Don't you mean inevitable?
Randy, spitting out a bunch of pennies: No, I really didn't.

*talking on the phone*
Randy: Remember how I said that Zenitsu and I were gonna have a calm night out for once?
Giyuu: Yeah...
Randy: Well, we're in jail.
Giyuu: *hangs up*

Randy: Coca Cola is a health potion, Pepsi is a mana potion.
Zenitsu: What's grape soda?
Randy: It's fucking purple baby!!!

*learning CPR on a test dummy*
First Ninja: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Randy: No, First Ninja. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
First Ninja: No, that's not part of it—
Randy: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Zenitsu: I would want to live with no legs.
Randy: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Zenitsu. You don't do anything.
First Ninja: All right, well, let's get back to it. 'Cause you're losing them.
Randy: *pumps frantically*
First Ninja: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
Randy: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Giyuu: How's that gonna help you?
Randy: I will divide and then count to it.
Giyuu: Right.
First Ninja: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Randy: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.