The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #41

Randy: The platypus attacks you.
Zenitsu: I block the attack.
Randy: You mean...?
Zenitsu: Yes, I Parry the Platypus.

Zenitsu: I'm a normal boy who has normal thoughts all the time.
Zenitsu: They should give me landmines.

First Ninja: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Giyuu: That's why I carry two swords.

Randy: This guy that works at my local Taco Bell says, "Tacotastic" and when I asked for a chalupa he said, "Beef, steak, or chicken, which are you pickin'?"
Randy: I asked for as many fire sauces he could give me and he said, "Sure, I don't pay for it." And the first time I saw him I asked him if he was doing okay and he said, "No, I work here."

First Ninja: How dull for you to live your life without any hills to die on, you, on your vast barren plains of compromise, acceptance, and accommodation, while I reign supreme over the lush, rolling highlands of stupid shit I have irrationally chosen to stake my entire identity on.
Giyuu: ...as someone who is terrified of having their own opinion, this is truly inspiring.
Zenitsu: The hills are alive with all the fucks I give on select topics.

Randy: You fuckers don't know about my knife stick. It's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.
Giyuu, not looking up from his book: Spear.
Randy: BLOCKED.

*Zenitsu is fighting a robot*
Randy: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!
Zenitsu: The power to believe in myself?!
Randy: No, a sword! Stab it!

Giyuu: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Randy: The cow???
Giyuu: What?
Zenitsu: Randy, W H Y?

Zenitsu: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff.
First Ninja: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

Randy: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-..-. -.--
[translation: I'M SORRY]
Zenitsu: What's that?
Randy: Remorse code.
Zenitsu: I'm even angrier now.

First Ninja: Hey, Giyuu, can I get a sip of your water?
Giyuu: It's not water.
First Ninja: Vodka, I like your style!
Giyuu: It's vinegar.
First Ninja: Wh- Wha-
Giyuu: It's vinegar, PUS-

Randy: Are you an 'arr' pirate, or a 'yo ho ho' pirate?
Zenitsu: I'm a 'I'm not playing $600 for photoshop' pirate.

Giyuu: I made tea.
Zenitsu: I don't want tea.
Giyuu: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Zenitsu: Then why are you telling me?
Giyuu: It is a conversation starter.
Zenitsu: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Giyuu: Oh, is it? We are conversing.
Giyuu: Checkmate.

Zenitsu: Dammit, Randy!
Randy: What?! It wasn't me!
Zenitsu: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Tomioka!
Giyuu: Not me either.
Zenitsu: Oh... then who set the house on fire?
First Ninja: *whistles*

Giyuu, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today.
First Ninja: *walks in covered in ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

Giyuu: I think the Nomicon was right.
Randy: I'm surprised it hasn't marched in here to say, 'I told you so.'
First Ninja: It wouldn't do that.
Nomicon, in human form: You're right, First Ninja. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Nomicon: *turns around, the shirt its wearing says, 'The Nomicon Told You So' on the back*
Zenitsu: *walks in wearing a matching 'The Nomicon Told You So' shirt and drinking a smoothie*