My Life with the Rymans

Chapter 8

Monday came too fast. My head was spinning from the weekend. I was exhausted and so overstimulated that my body physically ached. I don't know what happened to my brain in the span of 48 hours where I thought it was remotely normal to drunkenly fool around with my best friend and also have sex with her brother. I considered skipping but I wanted to see Devin. And Bonnie. I tried calling her last night but Steph said she wasn't feeling well. I didn't see her in the parking lot this morning either. I hated how we left things. If this ruins our friendship I don't know what I'll do. I really need to talk to her. I got to Lit class and Devin was in his seat. He said "hi" and turned around. So I did too. Class drug on and when the teacher dismissed us Devin bolted for his locker. I caught up to him. "Hey, is Bonnie okay? I haven't seen her and Steph said she wasn't feeling well". He closed his locker, "hi, Liz, yes, I'm great. Thanks for asking.  How should I know about Bonnie? I never see her. If you didn't see her then she's probably not here". I stood there, totally taken aback by his attitude towards me. "Is everything okay? What the hell did I say?" He stared at me like I had three heads. "Nothing, I'm fine. I'm just in a mood. I'll call you later tonight." And he walked away, I didn't see him the rest of the day.

Bonnie wasn't at lunch either. I sat with Samantha, Jillian, Brendan, and the new kid, Mason, that I met in detention. I asked Sam if she had heard from Bonnie, she said she hadn't.

I was worried about her so I went by the Ryman house on my way home from school to check on Bonnie. I couldn't help myself. Steph opened the door, wearing a gorgeous purple kaftan that took my breath away. "Is she okay?" Steph frowned. "I don't know, honey. She won't come out of her room." I sighed, "can I...?" Steph smiled, "of course, Liz." She's the nicest person in the world. I ran upstairs. "B? It's me. Can I please come in?" I knocked. "Liz, I really don't want to do this right now. I swear, I'm fine. I need some space." I wasn't buying it. "Bonnie, if we could just talk for one minute." She cut me off. "Seriously, Liz. Just go. Please," she begged. "Okay. I'll leave you alone." She didn't say anything else. I went by Devin's room, he was probably at soccer.

I stayed in bed the rest of the evening just wondering what I'd done wrong. I mean I knew some of what I'd done but not really. She doesn't know about Devin, at least I don't think she does. She's the one who came on to me the night of the party. I just don't understand.

I waited for Devin to call me. He didn't. I called him instead around 9pm, not caring who answered. Luckily, he did. "Devin, what's going on? You didn't call me and you were so cold at school today. Did I do something?" He hesitated. "No, Liz. You didn't do anything. I'm sorry for being such a jerk. You're perfect. I just don't want to talk about my sister. We aren't close and I feel like all you want to do is talk about her." Do I really talk that much about Bonnie? If I do I definitely don't realize it. He knows she's my best friend. I can't believe it bothers him so much. "I really wasn't aware I talked about her so much. I'm sorry. She's my best friend, Devin. But I'll do my best to keep the Bonnie talk to a minimum." I had no idea he felt this way. He sighed. "You don't have to apologize. It's really not that big of a deal. I just hear about her constantly from people at school. It's like she's a fucking celebrity sometimes. People are just so fascinated by her and obsessed with her and I don't get it. It gets really annoying sometimes being so overshadowed by her. But anyway, enough about Bonnie. You want to get some dinner Saturday night? I would say earlier this week but I've got soccer every day this week." I perked up. "Yes sounds good. Goodnight, Devin." "Goodnight, Lizzy." I guess I can understand that.

Bonnie wasn't at school the rest of the week. I didn't call or go by her house because she asked for space and I respect that. I didn't ask Devin about her either. What he said about her overshadowing him really resonated with me. I completely understand why he would feel that way. He's right. But it makes me feel sorry for Bonnie, too. It's not her fault people in this school put her so high on a pedestal. It's hard for anyone to live up to that. High school is asinine. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.

Devin had been so busy with soccer practice I'd barely seen him this week. Only in class. We talked on the phone briefly but I found myself thinking about Bonnie knowing she was in the same house just two doors away. I was distracted. From everything. School, Devin, my other friends, my parents. I've never gone this long without seeing Bonnie. It's like I don't know how to function without her which is pathetic really. Samantha and Jillian hardly seem concerned and it infuriates me. I've eaten lunch in the library the last three days because I can't stand listening to their frivolous conversations about prom and the fucking mall while Bonnie has locked herself in her room for 5 days. 

When I got home from school that Friday my dad's car was in the driveway. I thought that was strange. He's been working from my grandmother's house since last week. I sat in my car another five minutes listening to the Cranberries as yet another distraction. I finally walked in the house. The two of them were sitting at the dining table staring at me. My dad had tears in his eyes. "What's going on?", I wondered. My mom gestured for me to sit down so I sat across from them scared to get too close. Still, no one speaks. They just keep looking at each other.

"Alright. Well I have to study so I'm going upstairs then". I start to walk away and I hear my dad say, "Grandmother. She, she passed away last night, Scooter". I double over in pain and let out a large sob. I feel like I've been shot. I sit on the bottom step of the staircase trying to catch my breath. "She went peacefully. She just died in her sleep, she didn't even know what was happening. She wasn't hurting, she went the best way possible, Scooter." My face shot up, "STOP. CALLING. ME. THAT. She named me that! Not you. And there is no 'best possible way' to die. What a fucking stupid thing to say. What, you think she has peace because she is "Heaven"? There is no God! If there was, she wouldn't be dead and you wouldn't be a lying fucking coward-ass cheater!" I can't believe I was speaking to him like this. He just.. let me. But I didn't care. He knew how much I loved her. My mom didn't say a word, she looked just as broken up as my dad. I'm thankful she sat silent. I got up and walked out the door and got back into my car. I drove to Bonnie's. I had to see her. Now.